My Partner Makes Everything About Them

Does every conversation get redirected back to your partner? Do your problems become about their feelings? Learn why they center themselves constantly, how it damages relationships, and what to do about it.

⚠️ Important Relationship Advice Disclaimer: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered professional relationship counseling, therapy, or mental health advice. Relationship dynamics are highly individual and complex, involving unique personal histories, attachment patterns, mental health considerations, and interpersonal dynamics that require personalized professional guidance. The information provided here does not constitute professional counseling or therapy and should not be relied upon as a substitute for qualified mental health care. If you are experiencing relationship distress, mental health challenges, patterns of unhealthy relationships, or emotional difficulties, please consult with a licensed therapist, relationship counselor, or mental health professional who can provide personalized support tailored to your specific situation. Every relationship situation is unique and may require specialized professional intervention. The strategies discussed here are general in nature and may not be appropriate for all situations, particularly those involving abuse, manipulation, or mental health crises.

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Quick Answer:

A partner who makes everything about them constantly redirects conversations, problems, and experiences back to themselves—turning your job loss into their stress, your success into their achievement, your pain into their inconvenience. Signs they make everything about them: they interrupt your stories to share their similar (but longer) story, your emotions become about how those emotions affect them, they can't be happy for your successes without making it about themselves, every problem you share becomes a problem for them, and they get upset when attention isn't on them. People do this because: they're narcissistic and need constant attention, they lack empathy and can't hold space for others' experiences, they're insecure and need everything to validate them, they learned this behavior and don't know how to relate differently, or they're so self-absorbed they genuinely don't realize they're doing it. To address it: call it out directly ("I was sharing about my problem and you made it about yourself"), refuse to engage when they redirect ("We're talking about my issue right now, not yours"), require them to show interest in your life without centering themselves, and insist on couples therapy. If they can't hold space for your experiences ever, dismiss all your emotions as inconveniences to them, or get angry when you call out the pattern, they're likely narcissistic and the relationship probably isn't fixable.

What You're Experiencing

You try to share something with your partner.

Anything.

Your day. Your success. Your problem. Your feelings.

You say:

"I got promoted at work!"

They respond:

"That's great! You know, my boss was talking about promoting me too. Let me tell you what happened..."

Now you're listening to their story about their potential promotion.

Or you say:

"I'm really stressed about this project."

They respond:

"You think you're stressed? Let me tell you about MY day..."

Now you're comforting them about their stress.

Or you say:

"I'm hurt by what you said yesterday."

They respond:

"Well I'M hurt that you're making such a big deal about this!"

Now you're apologizing for being hurt.

Every. Single. Time.

You've noticed:

You can't finish a story
Your feelings become about their feelings
Your problems become about how your problems affect them
They one-up every experience you share
Conversations always end up about them
You feel like you don't matter

You've tried:

Being more interesting so they'll listen
Keeping things brief
Only sharing positive things
Not sharing at all
Directly saying "Can we talk about me for a minute?"

Nothing works.

So now you:

Stop sharing anything meaningful
Feel invisible and unimportant
Resent them deeply
Talk to friends instead
Feel lonely in the relationship
Wonder if you're being selfish for wanting attention too

When you bring it up:

"You make everything about you."

They say:

"I do not! You're being ridiculous!"
"I was just trying to relate!"
"You're so sensitive!"
"You never let me talk about MY problems!"

Here's the truth:

You can't have intimacy with someone who can't hold space for you.

You can't connect with someone who redirects everything back to themselves.

And if they refuse to see this pattern:

They're showing you how little they care about your inner world.

That's not love.

That's narcissism.

What "Making Everything About Them" Looks Like

Let's identify the specific behaviors.

SIGN #1: The Conversation Redirect

What it is:
You share something, they immediately redirect to their experience.

What it looks like:

You: "I had a terrible day."
Them: "Oh man, you know what happened to ME today?"

You: "I'm so excited about this!"
Them: "That reminds me of when I..."

Why it's a problem:
Your experience is never allowed to exist on its own. It's just a springboard to talk about them.

SIGN #2: The One-Upper

What it is:
Whatever you experienced, they experienced something more/worse/better.

What it looks like:

You: "I'm exhausted from work."
Them: "You're exhausted? I worked 12 hours!"

You: "My back hurts."
Them: "My back is worse. Let me tell you..."

Why it's a problem:
You're competing for who has it worse instead of receiving support.

SIGN #3: Making Your Emotions About Them

What it is:
Your feelings become about how those feelings affect them.

What it looks like:

You: "I'm upset about [thing]."
Them: "Well now I feel bad! Why are you making me feel bad?!"

You: "I need to talk to you about something."
Them: "Great, here we go again. You always have a problem with me!"

Why it's a problem:
You can't express emotions without managing theirs.

SIGN #4: Making Your Success About Them

What it is:
Your achievements become about their role or how it affects them.

What it looks like:

You: "I finished my degree!"
Them: "That's great! I'm so proud I supported you through that!"

You: "I got the job!"
Them: "Good, now we can afford [thing I want]!"

Why it's a problem:
Your accomplishment isn't celebrated for you—it's about what it means for them.

SIGN #5: Making Your Problems About Their Inconvenience

What it is:
When you have a problem, it becomes about how your problem affects them.

What it looks like:

You: "I think I need therapy."
Them: "Great, more money we have to spend."

You: "I'm dealing with health issues."
Them: "This is so stressful for ME."

Why it's a problem:
You can't be vulnerable without them making it about their burden.

SIGN #6: Can't Be Happy for You Without Centering Themselves

What it is:
They can't celebrate your wins without making it about them somehow.

What it looks like:

You: "I won an award!"
Them: "Wow, I never get recognized for anything."

You: "I'm so happy!"
Them: "Must be nice. I wish I could be that happy."

Why it's a problem:
Your joy becomes their resentment.

SIGN #7: Getting Upset When Attention Isn't On Them

What it is:
If a conversation or event focuses on someone else, they can't handle it.

What it looks like:

Sulking at events celebrating others
Getting angry when you have company
Pouting when you talk to friends
Creating drama to redirect attention to themselves

Why it's a problem:
They need to be the center of attention always.

If your partner does several of these regularly:

They make everything about them.

And this is deeply damaging.

Why People Make Everything About Themselves

Understanding the "why" helps you figure out if this is fixable.

REASON #1: They're Narcissistic

What's happening:
They genuinely believe they're the most important person in any situation.

Why they do it:
Their world revolves around them. Others are supporting characters.

What it looks like:

Constant need for attention and validation
Lack of empathy for others
Unable to hold space for anyone else's experience
Believe their needs/feelings matter most

Is this fixable?
Rarely—narcissism is a personality disorder

REASON #2: They Lack Empathy

What's happening:
They can't understand or care about others' experiences.

Why they do it:
They literally can't imagine what it's like to be you.

What it looks like:

Confusion about why you're upset
Can't see things from your perspective
Don't understand emotional needs
Can't recognize impact of their behavior

Is this fixable?
Very difficult—empathy development in adults is challenging

REASON #3: They're Deeply Insecure

What's happening:
They need everything to validate them because they feel worthless inside.

Why they do it:
Your success threatens them. Your problems aren't about you—they're about what they mean for their sense of security.

What it looks like:

Competing with you constantly
Can't celebrate your wins
Making your emotions about them
Need to be the center to feel okay

Is this fixable?
Maybe—requires extensive therapy for their insecurity

REASON #4: This Is How They Learned to Relate

What's happening:
They grew up in a family where everyone competed for attention this way.

Why they do it:
They think "relating" means sharing your similar experience. They don't know how to just listen.

What it looks like:

Genuinely think they're being supportive
Confused when you're upset about it
Their whole family does this

Is this fixable?
Yes—if they're willing to learn new communication patterns

REASON #5: They're So Self-Absorbed They Don't Realize

What's happening:
They're so focused on their own experience they don't notice they're dominating.

Why they do it:
Not malicious—just oblivious.

What it looks like:

Genuinely unaware
Apologetic when you point it out
Want to do better

Is this fixable?
Yes—with feedback and willingness to change

REASON #6: They Feel Threatened by Your Independence

What's happening:
When you have your own life, emotions, or successes, it threatens their control.

Why they do it:
Making everything about them keeps you focused on them, not on yourself.

What it looks like:

Sabotaging your successes
Creating drama when you're happy
Making problems when you have your own life

Is this fixable?
Rarely—this is controlling/abusive behavior

According to research from Psychology Today, chronic inability to hold space for others' experiences and consistently centering oneself in conversations are hallmarks of narcissistic personality traits, which significantly damage intimate relationships.

The Damage of Being with Someone Who Makes Everything About Them

Here's what this does to you.

DAMAGE #1: You Disappear

What happens:
Your thoughts, feelings, experiences, and needs become invisible.

You feel:
Like you don't exist. Like you're just a prop in their life story.

The result:
You lose your sense of self.

DAMAGE #2: You Stop Sharing

What happens:
It's exhausting to never be heard, so you stop trying.

You become:
Silent. Withdrawn. You keep everything inside.

The result:
Intimacy dies. You're emotionally alone.

DAMAGE #3: Your Needs Go Unmet

What happens:
Because everything is about them, your needs never get addressed.

You realize:
This relationship is one-way. You give, they take.

The result:
Deep resentment and exhaustion.

DAMAGE #4: You Feel Selfish for Wanting Attention

What happens:
When you do ask for attention, they make you feel like you're being demanding.

You internalize:
"I'm being needy. I should just be supportive. Their needs matter more."

The result:
You shrink yourself to accommodate them.

DAMAGE #5: You Can't Process Your Own Emotions

What happens:
When you try to share feelings, they redirect to theirs. You never get to fully explore your own experience.

You lose:
The ability to understand and process your own emotions.

The result:
Emotional confusion and suppression.

DAMAGE #6: You Become Their Emotional Support System While Getting None Yourself

What happens:
You're constantly managing their feelings, validating their experiences, supporting them—while receiving nothing in return.

You realize:
You're their therapist, not their partner.

The result:
Burnout and resentment.

This is serious emotional neglect.

Being with someone who makes everything about them is being in an emotionally abusive relationship.

How to Address Someone Who Makes Everything About Them

If you want to try to fix this, here's how.

STEP 1: Name It When It Happens

Every time they redirect to themselves:

"I was sharing about my experience, and you just made it about you. I need you to listen to me right now."

Don't let it slide. Call it out immediately.

STEP 2: Refuse to Engage with the Redirect

When they try to redirect:

"I hear that you have something going on, but right now I need to finish talking about my situation. Can you listen without redirecting to your experience?"

Then continue your story.

STEP 3: Set Explicit Expectations

Before sharing something:

"I need to tell you about something that's happening with me. I need you to just listen and be supportive without making it about you or redirecting to your similar experience. Can you do that?"

Get their agreement first.

STEP 4: Call Out the Pattern

When you're not in the moment:

"I've noticed a pattern where whenever I share something, you redirect the conversation back to yourself. This happens constantly. It makes me feel like my experiences don't matter to you. This needs to change."

Be specific with examples.

STEP 5: Tell Them What You Need Instead

Give clear instructions:

"When I share something with you, I need you to:

Listen without interrupting
Ask questions about MY experience
Offer support or validation
Not immediately share your similar story
Hold space for me without centering yourself"

STEP 6: Track It and Show Them Data

If they deny the pattern:

Track a week of conversations.

Show them:
"In the last week, I tried to share things with you 10 times. Eight of those conversations ended up being about you. This is the pattern I'm talking about."

Data is harder to deny.

STEP 7: Require Couples Therapy

If nothing changes:

"I've asked you multiple times to stop making everything about yourself, and the pattern continues. I don't feel heard or valued in this relationship. We need couples therapy to work on this. If you're not willing, I need to reconsider this relationship."

Many women discover that understanding what men secretly crave in a relationship reveals whether his self-focus is insecurity or narcissism. This insight—something most women never hear—helps you see if he's capable of valuing your experience or if it's always going to be about him.

Scripts for Responding to Self-Centering

Let's practice in-the-moment responses.

SCENARIO #1: They Redirect Your Story

You're sharing. They redirect to their experience.

Your response:
"Hold on. I wasn't done sharing my experience. I'd like you to listen to me right now. You can share yours after I finish."

SCENARIO #2: They One-Up Your Problem

You share a problem. They have it worse.

Your response:
"I hear that you're struggling too. But right now I need support with my problem. Can you help me with this instead of comparing?"

SCENARIO #3: They Make Your Emotions About Them

You express hurt. They make it about how you're making them feel bad.

Your response:
"My hurt is not about making you feel bad. It's about me having feelings that need to be heard. Can you listen without making this about your feelings?"

SCENARIO #4: They Can't Celebrate Your Success

You share good news. They make it about themselves.

Your response:
"I just shared something I'm excited about. I need you to be happy for me without making it about you. Can you just say 'I'm happy for you' and mean it?"

SCENARIO #5: They Get Defensive When Called Out

You point out the pattern. They get defensive.

Your response:
"I'm not attacking you. I'm telling you that I need to feel heard in this relationship. That's a reasonable need."

SCENARIO #6: They Say They Were "Just Trying to Relate"

They claim redirecting is "relating."

Your response:
"Relating would be asking questions about my experience and showing interest. Immediately redirecting to your story is centering yourself, not relating."

Notice the pattern:

You're:

Naming what they're doing
Stating what you need
Not backing down
Teaching them what support looks like

For couples learning to hold space for each other's experiences and move away from self-centered communication, Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Building a Lasting Love provides frameworks for active listening and empathetic responding that create true partnership.

When to Walk Away

Sometimes they won't change.

Leave if:

🚩 They refuse to acknowledge the pattern
"I don't do that. You're imagining things."

🚩 They blame you for being "too needy"
Framing your need to be heard as you being demanding.

🚩 They get angry when you call it out
Hostility, defensiveness, punishment for pointing it out.

🚩 They refuse therapy
Won't work on it, won't get help.

🚩 Nothing changes despite repeated conversations
Zero improvement after multiple discussions.

🚩 They can NEVER hold space for you
Not a single conversation stays focused on your experience.

🚩 Other narcissistic traits are present
Lack of empathy, need for constant validation, exploiting you, no remorse.

🚩 You've completely lost yourself
Don't know who you are anymore because everything is about them.

🚩 Your mental health is suffering severely
Depression, anxiety, loss of identity from emotional neglect.

The hard truth:

Someone who makes everything about them cannot love you.

Because love requires caring about another person's experience.

If they can't do that:

They're incapable of real partnership.

You deserve:

To be heard
To have your experiences matter
Support without having to give it all back
A partner who cares about your inner world
To exist in the relationship, not just support them

If your partner can't provide that:

They cannot be in a healthy relationship with you.

If you're trying to determine whether he's self-absorbed or truly narcissistic, understanding the moment a man realizes you're 'The One'—and how to spark it reveals whether he's capable of seeing you as a whole person separate from him. This small emotional shift either awakens his ability to value your experience—or confirms he never will.

If YOU'RE the One Who Does This

What if you recognize yourself in this article?

Signs you might be the problem:

Conversations usually end up about you
You immediately share your similar story when others share
You feel uncomfortable when attention isn't on you
You struggle to ask questions about others' experiences
You think sharing your story IS being supportive
People have told you that you make things about yourself

Why this matters:

Your partner feels invisible.

They will eventually stop sharing anything with you.

The relationship will die from lack of emotional connection.

What to do:

1. Acknowledge the problem
"You're right. I do make things about myself. I'm sorry."

2. Practice active listening

When someone shares, ask 3 follow-up questions before sharing your experience
Focus completely on understanding their experience
Validate their feelings

3. Learn to hold space
Not every conversation needs your story. Sometimes people just need to be heard.

4. Get therapy
Work with a therapist on empathy development and communication skills.

5. Ask for feedback
"Am I doing it again? Tell me when I redirect to myself."

6. Actually change
Not just promise. Make consistent effort.

You can learn to hold space for others.

But only if you acknowledge the problem and commit to changing.

Your Turn: Have You Dealt with Someone Who Makes Everything About Them?

Are you with someone who centers themselves constantly? How have you addressed it? Or are you working on being less self-centered? Share your experience in the comments!

The Bottom Line

You can't have intimacy with someone who makes everything about them.

Because intimacy requires mutual interest in each other's inner worlds.

What "making everything about them" looks like:

Conversation redirects
One-upping
Making your emotions about them
Making your success about them
Making your problems about their inconvenience
Can't be happy for you without centering themselves
Getting upset when attention isn't on them

Why they do it:

Narcissistic
Lack empathy
Deeply insecure
Learned behavior
Oblivious
Threatened by your independence

The damage:

You disappear
You stop sharing
Your needs go unmet
You feel selfish for wanting attention
Can't process your emotions
One-sided emotional labor

How to address it:

Name it when it happens
Refuse to engage with redirects
Set explicit expectations
Call out the pattern
Tell them what you need instead
Track it and show them data
Require couples therapy

When to leave:

Refuse to acknowledge pattern
Blame you for being needy
Get angry when called out
Refuse therapy
No change
Can never hold space for you
Other narcissistic traits
You've lost yourself

You deserve a partner who:

Cares about your experiences
Can hold space for you
Celebrates your successes
Supports your struggles
Sees you as a whole person

Stop accepting being invisible.

Demand to be seen.

Or find someone who will see you.

Those are your options.

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