My Partner Dismisses My Feelings

Does your partner tell you you're too sensitive, overreacting, or being dramatic? Learn why emotional dismissal is damaging, how to address it, and when it becomes emotional abuse.

⚠️ Important Relationship Advice Disclaimer: This content is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered professional relationship counseling, therapy, or mental health advice. Relationship dynamics are highly individual and complex, involving unique personal histories, attachment patterns, mental health considerations, and interpersonal dynamics that require personalized professional guidance. The information provided here does not constitute professional counseling or therapy and should not be relied upon as a substitute for qualified mental health care. If you are experiencing relationship distress, mental health challenges, patterns of unhealthy relationships, or emotional difficulties, please consult with a licensed therapist, relationship counselor, or mental health professional who can provide personalized support tailored to your specific situation. Every relationship situation is unique and may require specialized professional intervention. The strategies discussed here are general in nature and may not be appropriate for all situations, particularly those involving abuse, manipulation, or mental health crises.

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Quick Answer:

Emotional dismissal is when your partner invalidates, minimizes, or rejects your feelings instead of acknowledging them—saying things like "you're too sensitive," "you're overreacting," "that's not a big deal," or "you're being dramatic." It's different from disagreeing with your perspective (which is valid) versus denying your right to feel what you feel (which is harmful). Dismissal damages relationships by: eroding trust, making you question your own perceptions (gaslighting), creating loneliness, preventing resolution of issues, and destroying emotional intimacy. Common dismissive phrases include: "you're crazy," "calm down," "here we go again," "you always make a big deal out of nothing," and "I can't do anything right with you." To address it: call it out directly ("When you say I'm too sensitive, you're dismissing my feelings rather than hearing my concern"), set boundaries ("I need you to acknowledge my feelings even if you don't agree"), and require change through couples therapy if it continues. If they refuse to validate your emotions ever, consistently gaslight you, or use dismissal to control you, it's emotional abuse and you should leave.

What You're Experiencing

You try to share how you're feeling.

You say: "When you [did thing], it hurt my feelings."

They respond:

"You're being too sensitive"
"You're overreacting"
"That's not a big deal"
"You're being dramatic"
"Here we go again"
"You always make mountains out of molehills"
"I can't do anything right with you"
"You're crazy"
"Calm down"
"Stop being so emotional"

And now:

Your hurt is still there, but now you feel stupid for having it
You're questioning whether your feelings are valid
You feel unheard and alone
You're angry they won't just acknowledge your pain
You don't know if you're actually overreacting or if they're being dismissive

Over time, you've learned:

"Don't share my feelings. It makes things worse."

So now you:

Keep everything inside
Feel increasingly disconnected
Wonder if something's wrong with you
Feel lonely even when you're together
Start to doubt your own perceptions

Meanwhile, your partner might think:

"Why are they always so sensitive? Everything is a problem. I can't say anything without them getting upset."

Or they might deliberately dismiss you to:

Avoid taking responsibility
Shut down the conversation
Make you feel like you're the problem
Maintain control

Here's what you need to understand:

Your feelings are valid.

Even if your partner doesn't understand them.

Even if your partner thinks they're irrational.

Even if your partner disagrees with your perspective.

You have a RIGHT to feel what you feel.

And a partner who consistently dismisses your emotions is damaging your mental health and the relationship.

Emotional Dismissal vs. Disagreement

There's a crucial difference you need to understand.

✅ HEALTHY DISAGREEMENT:

What it sounds like:

"I can see why you feel that way. I experienced the situation differently—here's what I saw. Can we talk about where the disconnect is?"

"I hear that you're hurt. I didn't intend to hurt you, though I understand my action had that impact. Let's talk about it."

"Your feelings make sense from your perspective. I want to understand better—can you tell me more about why this matters to you?"

What it does:

Acknowledges your feelings exist and are valid
Offers a different perspective
Invites dialogue
Shows respect for your emotional experience
Creates space for resolution

❌ EMOTIONAL DISMISSAL:

What it sounds like:

"You're too sensitive. That shouldn't bother you."

"You're overreacting. It wasn't that bad."

"You're being irrational. There's no reason to feel that way."

"Stop being dramatic. You're making a big deal out of nothing."

What it does:

Denies your right to have feelings
Makes you the problem
Shuts down conversation
Creates shame and self-doubt
Prevents resolution

THE KEY DIFFERENCE:

Disagreement says: "I see it differently, but I respect that you feel this way."

Dismissal says: "Your feelings are wrong and you shouldn't have them."

One opens conversation. One closes it.

One respects you. One invalidates you.

One is healthy. One is harmful.

Why Partners Dismiss Feelings

Understanding the "why" helps you figure out if this is fixable.

REASON #1: They're Uncomfortable with Emotions

What's happening:
They weren't taught how to handle emotions (theirs or others'). Feelings make them anxious.

Why they dismiss:
They don't know what else to do. Making you stop feeling is easier than sitting with discomfort.

What it looks like:

Changing the subject
Rushing to fix instead of listening
Getting visibly uncomfortable when you cry
Telling you to "calm down"

Is this fixable?
Yes—if they're willing to learn emotional skills through therapy

REASON #2: They Feel Attacked

What's happening:
You're sharing hurt they caused. They feel criticized and get defensive.

Why they dismiss:
Protecting their ego. If your feelings aren't valid, they don't have to take responsibility.

What it looks like:

"You're too sensitive" when you bring up something they did
Deflecting to your reaction instead of their action
Making you apologize for having feelings

Is this fixable?
Maybe—they need to learn to separate "you hurt me" from "you're a terrible person"

REASON #3: They Lack Empathy

What's happening:
They genuinely can't understand feelings that don't match their own experience.

Why they dismiss:
If THEY wouldn't feel that way, they can't comprehend why YOU do.

What it looks like:

"I wouldn't care about that, so you shouldn't either"
Confusion about why you're upset
Inability to put themselves in your shoes

Is this fixable?
Difficult—empathy development requires significant work

REASON #4: They're Trying to Control You

What's happening:
Dismissing your feelings is a manipulation tactic to make you doubt yourself and comply with what they want.

Why they dismiss:
Control. If you believe your feelings are invalid, you'll stop having needs and boundaries.

What it looks like:

Consistently dismissing ALL your feelings
Making you feel crazy (gaslighting)
Using dismissal to avoid accountability
Dismissal increases when you set boundaries

Is this fixable?
Rarely—this is emotional abuse

REASON #5: They're Overwhelmed

What's happening:
You have a lot of feelings frequently, and they feel like they can never do anything right.

Why they dismiss:
Self-protection. They're exhausted and shutting down.

What it looks like:

"Here we go again"
Sighing or eye-rolling
Seeming tired or frustrated when you share feelings
Feeling attacked constantly

Is this fixable?
Maybe—requires honest conversation about communication patterns from both sides

REASON #6: They Think Being Logical Means Dismissing Emotions

What's happening:
They believe logic and emotion are opposites, and logic should always win.

Why they dismiss:
They think they're helping you "be rational."

What it looks like:

"You're being emotional" (said disparagingly)
Trying to logic you out of your feelings
Presenting facts to prove you shouldn't feel that way

Is this fixable?
Yes—they need to learn that emotions ARE valid data

According to Psychology Today, emotional invalidation in relationships is linked to increased anxiety, depression, and relationship dissatisfaction. When people's emotions are consistently dismissed, they begin to doubt their own perceptions and experiences.

What Dismissal Does to You

Let's talk about the damage this causes.

DAMAGE #1: You Stop Trusting Your Own Feelings

What happens:

When your feelings are repeatedly told they're wrong, you start to believe it.

You begin thinking:

"Maybe I am too sensitive"
"Maybe I do overreact to everything"
"Maybe something's wrong with me"
"Maybe I should just toughen up"

The result:
You lose trust in your own emotional experiences. You second-guess everything you feel.

DAMAGE #2: You Stop Sharing

What happens:

You learn that sharing feelings makes things worse, so you stop.

You start:

Keeping everything inside
Pretending you're fine when you're not
Avoiding bringing up issues
Walking on eggshells

The result:
Emotional intimacy dies. You're together but completely disconnected.

DAMAGE #3: Resentment Builds

What happens:

Unacknowledged hurt doesn't disappear. It accumulates.

You feel:

Angry they won't just listen
Bitter about the dismissal
Resentful of their lack of empathy
Contempt for their unwillingness to validate you

The result:
The relationship slowly rots from the inside.

DAMAGE #4: Your Mental Health Suffers

What happens:

Constant invalidation creates psychological harm.

You develop:

Anxiety (about sharing, about your feelings, about yourself)
Depression (from loneliness and disconnection)
Self-doubt (questioning your perceptions)
Emotional dysregulation (not knowing which feelings are "acceptable")

The result:
Your mental health deteriorates. You feel like you're losing yourself.

DAMAGE #5: You Start Believing the Narrative

What happens:

Repeated dismissal becomes internalized.

You start thinking:

"I'm too needy"
"I'm too emotional"
"I expect too much"
"I should just get over things"

The result:
You shrink yourself. You accept less than you deserve. You lose your voice.

DAMAGE #6: You Become Disconnected from Your Own Emotions

What happens:

If your feelings are always wrong, you stop feeling them.

You become:

Numb
Disconnected from yourself
Unsure what you actually feel
Out of touch with your needs

The result:
You lose yourself completely trying to be "less sensitive."

This is serious damage.

This is what emotional dismissal does.

It's not harmless. It's not "just being told to toughen up."

It's psychological harm.

How to Address Emotional Dismissal

If you want to try to fix this, here's how.

STEP 1: Name the Pattern

Call it out directly when it happens.

When they say: "You're too sensitive"

You say:
"When you tell me I'm too sensitive, you're dismissing my feelings instead of hearing what I'm trying to tell you. My feelings are valid even if you don't understand them. Can we try this again?"

When they say: "You're overreacting"

You say:
"Whether or not you think my reaction is proportional, I'm still having this feeling. I need you to acknowledge that I'm hurt, not judge whether I should be."

STEP 2: Set a Clear Boundary

Have a conversation when you're not in conflict:

"I need to talk to you about something that's been happening in our relationship. When I share my feelings with you, I often hear responses like 'you're too sensitive' or 'you're overreacting.' This is dismissive and it makes me feel unheard and invalidated.

I need you to acknowledge my feelings even if you don't agree with them or understand them. You can disagree with my perspective, but you can't tell me my feelings are wrong.

Going forward, I need you to respond to my feelings with something like 'I hear you' or 'Help me understand why this matters to you' instead of dismissing them. Can you do that?"

STEP 3: Teach Them What You Need

Give them specific language:

Instead of: "You're too sensitive"
Say: "I can see this really bothers you. Tell me more about why."

Instead of: "You're overreacting"
Say: "I didn't realize this would affect you this way. Help me understand."

Instead of: "That's not a big deal"
Say: "This clearly matters to you. What can I do?"

Instead of: "Stop being dramatic"
Say: "I hear that you're upset. Let's talk about it."

STEP 4: Require Couples Therapy

If the pattern continues:

"I've asked you multiple times to stop dismissing my feelings, and it's still happening. This is damaging our relationship and my mental health. I need us to go to couples therapy to work on communication. If you're not willing to do that, I need to reconsider whether this relationship is healthy for me."

STEP 5: Follow Through

If they:

Refuse therapy
Continue dismissing your feelings
Get worse when you set boundaries
Make you feel crazy for having needs

Then you need to leave.

Because they're telling you:
"Your feelings don't matter to me. I won't change."

Believe them.

Scripts for Responding to Dismissal

Let's practice in-the-moment responses.

SCENARIO 1: "You're too sensitive"

Your response:
"I'm not too sensitive. I'm sharing something that hurt me. You can listen and try to understand, or you can dismiss me and make me feel worse. Which do you choose?"

SCENARIO 2: "You're overreacting"

Your response:
"Whether or not you think my reaction is 'appropriate,' this is how I feel. I'm not asking for your judgment on my emotions. I'm asking for your support in addressing what upset me."

SCENARIO 3: "That's not a big deal"

Your response:
"It is a big deal to me, which is what matters. I'm not asking you to agree it's a big deal. I'm asking you to care that I'm hurt."

SCENARIO 4: "You're being dramatic"

Your response:
"Calling me dramatic is dismissive and hurtful. I'm expressing genuine feelings. If you can't handle that, we have bigger problems than what I brought up."

SCENARIO 5: "Calm down"

Your response:
"Telling me to calm down dismisses my feelings and makes me more upset. If you need me to lower my voice, ask for that. But don't tell me to stop having feelings."

SCENARIO 6: "Here we go again"

Your response:
"If I'm bringing things up repeatedly, it's because they're not getting resolved. Instead of being annoyed that I have feelings, can we actually address the issue?"

SCENARIO 7: "I can't do anything right with you"

Your response:
"This isn't about you being wrong. It's about me being hurt and needing you to hear that. Playing the victim when I express hurt is a deflection."

Notice the pattern:

You're:

Naming the dismissal
Restating what you actually need
Refusing to accept the invalidation
Holding them accountable

For couples struggling with emotional validation and learning to honor each other's feelings, Fighting for Your Marriage: Positive Steps for Preventing Divorce and Building a Lasting Love offers specific techniques for creating emotional safety and responding to partners' bids for connection with validation rather than dismissal.

When Dismissal Is Emotional Abuse

Sometimes it crosses the line into abuse.

It's emotional abuse when:

🚩 ALL your feelings are dismissed, always
Nothing you feel is ever valid in their eyes

🚩 They make you question reality (gaslighting)
"That didn't happen" "I never said that" "You're remembering it wrong"

🚩 Dismissal is used to avoid accountability
Every time you're hurt, you become "too sensitive" so they never have to apologize

🚩 They dismiss feelings to control you
Teaching you not to have needs or boundaries

🚩 You're afraid to have feelings around them
Walking on eggshells, hiding emotions, constant anxiety

🚩 They mock or ridicule your emotions
Laughing at you, telling others how "sensitive" you are, contempt

🚩 It's getting worse over time
More dismissive, more cruel, more isolating

🚩 Your mental health is deteriorating
Anxiety, depression, losing sense of self, questioning everything

🚩 They refuse to acknowledge the problem
Won't admit they dismiss you, won't work on it, won't go to therapy

If this is happening:

This isn't a communication problem.

This is abuse.

What to do:

Individual therapy (not couples therapy for abuse)
Build support system
Plan to leave safely
Call National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Don't stay hoping they'll change.

Abusers who use emotional dismissal as control rarely change.

Validating Your Own Feelings

Whether or not your partner validates you, YOU need to.

PRACTICE 1: Affirm Your Own Emotions

When you feel something:

Don't immediately question it.

Tell yourself:

"My feelings are valid"
"I have a right to feel this way"
"Emotions are information, not weakness"
"I don't need permission to have feelings"

PRACTICE 2: Journal Your Experiences

Write down:

What happened
How you felt
What they said
What you actually needed

Why this helps:

Creates a record (helpful if they gaslight)
Validates your own experience
Helps you see patterns
Reconnects you with your feelings

PRACTICE 3: Talk to Others

Share with:

Trusted friends
Family
Therapist
Support group

Get reality checks:
"Is this normal? Am I actually overreacting?"

Others can help you see:

Your feelings are valid
Your partner's dismissal is the problem
You're not crazy

PRACTICE 4: Trust Your Gut

If something feels wrong:

It probably is.

Don't talk yourself out of it because they said you're "too sensitive."

Your intuition is valid data.

PRACTICE 5: Set Internal Boundaries

Decide:

"I won't let their dismissal determine my worth."

"I won't shrink myself to make them comfortable."

"I won't question my reality because they can't handle my feelings."

You can't control their validation.

But you can refuse to invalidate yourself.

Your Turn: Have You Experienced Emotional Dismissal?

Does your partner dismiss your feelings? How do you handle it? Have you successfully addressed this pattern? What helped? Share your experience in the comments—others need to know they're not alone.

The Bottom Line

Emotional dismissal is not harmless.

It's not "toughening you up."

It's not "keeping you grounded."

It's damaging.

When your partner dismisses your feelings, they're saying:

Your emotions don't matter
You shouldn't feel what you feel
There's something wrong with you for having needs
They don't have to listen or care

The difference:

Disagreement: "I see it differently, but I respect you feel this way."
Dismissal: "You're wrong to feel this way. Stop it."

What dismissal does:

Makes you doubt yourself
Destroys emotional intimacy
Builds resentment
Damages mental health
Makes you lose yourself

If your partner dismisses your feelings:

Name it when it happens
Set clear boundaries
Teach them what you need
Require couples therapy
Leave if nothing changes

Sometimes dismissal is emotional abuse:

All feelings always dismissed
Used to avoid accountability
Used to control you
Makes you question reality
Your mental health deteriorating

Whether or not they validate you:

You must validate yourself.

Your feelings are valid.

You have a right to feel what you feel.

A good partner acknowledges your emotions even when they don't fully understand them.

You deserve that.

You're not too sensitive.

You're not overreacting.

You're not dramatic.

You're human.

And your feelings matter.

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