Many people ask the question of what amount of time is appropriate to wait before someone moves on after a divorce. This is a pretty loaded query, due to the emotions involved. Many people seem to judge their own post-divorce progress based on how quickly they move on to a new relationship, and no small number get caught in the trap of trying to be the to move on first. This often leads into a series of choices made for the point of some unspoken competition, instead out of actual personal development. The end result is years of bad decisions made out of desperation, and the best case scenario is you looking up and realizing that you lost your imaginary contest years ago.
Most therapists, doctors, and psychological experts agree that after a
divorce, people should wait at least a year before serious dating. Keep in mind that these are the same sort of experts who still can't tell us if chicken eggs are good or bad for human beings, so take that with a grain of salt. The truth is that you're going to have to do a lot of soul searching before you're going to be ready to make that call.
Strongly consider seeking out the assistance of a therapist. For many people, asking them to enlist a stranger to help them with their problems is adding insult to injury. The reality is that there are people who make it their living to help people with divorces. Even if this isn't your first
divorce, they're going to be a lot more knowledgeable about what's going on than you will be. They're going to be able to help you get to the bottom of how you feel about things, why you feel that way, and what you can do to feel differently.
Speaking of feelings, there is a chance you're going to be angry at you ex-spouse. If you are angry, that's a very good sign that you shouldn't consider any serious dating. Anger indicates that you still haven't gotten over the situations that surrounded you during your marriage, and carrying over that irritation in to new relationships isn't right. It won't be fair to you, and it certainly won't be fair to the subject of your romantic interest.
If you feel no rage towards your former partner, then chances are good that casual dating can be perfectly healthy for you. If after marriage, you want to savor the new options and freedom, there isn't anything specifically distressing about that desire, so long as you are honest with yourself and others. Whether you meet your dates at a grocery store or on-line, be up front about your intentions. Tell them you're just looking to have a good time with a few people, and aren't looking for anything serious. This can be a strongly positive gesture, as it gives you the opportunity to be yourself around others in a relaxed environment. Chances are good this can help remind you of who you are inside.
Some people will be ready after a few weeks or months. Some won't be ready after seven years. Each newly made bachelor and bachelorette is going to have to decide how they're handling this situation for themselves. Just keep your thinking positive, and your eyes forward. While this may seem to be an insurmountable hurdle, it will pass in time.
Comments