In today's dating game, couples carefully plan everything they'll do on a first date to make it memorable occasion; But they never talk about the one thing that could derail the whole night into disaster -- who's going to pay the bill? Most traditional thinking people assume the man should cover the cost whether the woman asks him out or not -- whether she makes more than he does or not.But, as society changes with more and more women bringing home bigger paychecks than the men they date -- the rules are bending, creating some high tension between the sexes and making it difficult to determine who should pay.
This has become a real dilemma for men and women alike, all looking for answers to who should pick up the check. According to majority of relationship counselor's state that "A woman paying for dates is a new development that didn't happen back in the days -- and wasn't expected." During that time -- men always paid, and that women should be very cautious of men who ask them to pay.
If, a woman asks a man out, she should plan on bringing enough money to pay for both. The male should insist on paying (even if says No, I asked you out!). Men still have to feel like they are control; They appreciate women who offer to pay, and they don't like the assumption they have to pay. Recently, there has been evidence that more and more women don't mind paying because they are happy to have an escort. Some men feel comfortable with this arrangement -- And the relationship; Experts say, can work if both parties are satisfied with the situation.
In today's dating game, many women have found out that there is a growing number of men who don't stand on tradition when it comes to dating. One of my client's, who I will not give her real name; Lets just call her Debra Jones -- she went on a date with a man she met online. They rendezvoused at a coffee shop and she got an unexpected shock. He didn't even offer to buy her coffee -- says Debra. She also stated, more and more men are so cheap that they assume (dating) should be dutch, whether it's a blind date or you meet them in person before the date. But if he's a gentleman -- he'll pay -- And not just for admission!
A group of women, like Jasmine Wilder who's a 40 year old public relations project manager in Chicago, IL; Says not asking a date if she wants refreshments at places like movies is just as bad as not paying for the tickets. Many men strongly disagree with that assessment -- but other men like Drew Morgan a 38 year old restaurant owner; Says that's a way to impress your date! "On a first date -- especially if I ask, I should pay," says Drew (women don't have to fight for a date). It's up to the guy to make a good impression.
Like men, there are some women who want to impress their dates -- but at the same time, they wait to see if he will carry out the traditional chivalrous role. A close friend of the family; Said when she asks a man out, she should pay or at least touch the check first -- she says (but it's a good gesture for him to offer to pay. She also stated that, times are changing and some women feel comfortable paying for dates -- but she believes that the idea opens the door for men to take advantage of women. If a woman pays regularly -- he'll be less responsible and depend on her to pay. Some relationship experts say it could go much deeper than that. Most times, when people don't pay for a date -- they don't value you. If you value yourself, don't repeat that!
So what about splitting the check? Many people agree that asking the other person to pay their part of the bill shouldn't come on the first few dates -- but could be considered further into the relationship. Some men think (the woman can pay after the first few dates, as long as she doesn't insult the man's masculinity); She shouldn't say she'll pay because he can't pay -- but offer to pay because she wants to contribute.
After several dates, some women stated -- that they didn't insult their former boyfriends when they gave him the money to pay the check. Prior to the date, they asked him if she needed to bring some money with her -- "If I knew he needed money, I would slip it to him because he's the man and he's supposed to pay when the check comes; But in the first four or five dates if a man can't afford to pay, he shouldn't leave the house." Which majority of women do agree with!
The only time it's appropriate for a man to ask a women to pay is when they're married and she has the checkbook or if they've been dating for a long time. There are men who strongly agree with that idea; But for generations -- men have complained that, some women take advantage of the man's willingness to pay on a date by making costly demands. And some say that has caused them to be much less enthusiastic about picking up the check -- (If she orders something expensive like lobster and he can't pay for it, then she should pay the difference if he asks her to).
Perhaps this dating dilemma can be avoided if the first few dates involve activities that don't make either party feel uncomfortable because of the expense involved. If either person can't afford to pay for both -- then make the first date less extravagant; Says one psychologist expert (it should be revealing to the man, when a woman insists on going to a place that he can't afford). The best dates aren't expensive ones. They are cafes and museums -- places where they can talk.
In my expert opinion, both men and women should some homework before going on a date -- determining what might be too expensive. It's a good idea for women to get as much information about the potential date as possible. Think about where you met and who else knows him. Ask a friend questions about him. Find out where he works, what type of work he does, when he works, his educational background -- And where he lives.
While determining whom to date, ability to pay is at the top of many women's checklist; But it is politically incorrect (to ask a man about his salary). Without questioning him -- there are several indicators that can reveal his financial standings. A woman should depend on what she knows about him and her understanding of the salary for the industry in which he works. Additionally, there are other clues that allow you to size him up, particularly if he doesn't offer to pay; Does he have a college degree and a professional job? Is he 30 years old and still living with his parents or room-mates?
Although financial stability is important -- some women are quick to say that it shouldn't be the only determining factor when sorting date possibilities. It's turn-off if he has less than I do; But I'll go out with him if he has manners and some prospect of a better job. But caution: Don't go buy his shoes -- because he could get lucky with a good pair of shoes. Don't look at his clothes or car either. He could look good for going out; But have nowhere to sleep, and he could have borrowed the car.
For any relationship to work, experts and daters alike -- say the bottom line is that people need to recognize and pay close attention to dating red flags. If he lets her pay on dates, this could be a sign that he's bad with saving money (on the other hand, a woman who expects a man to pay all the time can appear to be a gold digger).
There is almost universal agreement that the patterns developed during the initial dating period will determine the success of a relationship. If you're dating a woman and she never offer to pay -- then she's not being considerate -- (because you both are building a partnership). "It Takes Two to Dance Well Together to Win the Contest".
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