Jealousy, mistrust, apathy, selfishness, poor communication, abuse, irreconcilable differences -- the reasons relationships fail are many -- And all too often the remedies for an ailing romance are few. While no sure-fire solution exists to guarantee that you and yours will make it last forever, relationship experts say that your chances at finding lasting romance are good if you avoid the "Ten Biggest Mistakes Women Make In Relationships".The Top Ten Mistakes Are:
1. Looking for Love in All the Wrong Faces.
Sometimes women can get so hung up over what a man has -- and what he dosen't have -- that they often miss out on a wonderful relationship. Women don't have their priorities straight on their good man wish list -- they tend to lead-off with superficial characteristics, which they think a man should have, like; a gorgeous face and body of a "God" -- and in the process eliminate the all right looking men who -- if you gave them half a chance, could be absolutely good to and for you.
Of course, there is recognizing a good man in spite of whether or not he's the sexy like Idris Elba -- and an equally attractive bank account -- And then there is settling for something altogether less than the best, just for the sake of having a mate. Majority of women, when they are with their girlfriends or group -- they seem to have this "Unspoken Code" -- which says they have to be with someone because that's what everyone expects (and often leads many women to date the wrong men).
As a relationship expert myself, I have continue to notice that, there is such a frenzy to have a relationship -- to have a man on your arms -- to meet this unspoken code -- that women fail to look at the signs that say "This May Not Be the Best Person for Me".
Another mistake is, looking for love in men who are strictly off-limits. Women who knowingly and readily date married or committed men should prepare themselves for many a night, weekends and holidays alone; Because, his primary relationship will come first. Even if he tells you that you're the one he really wants to be with; But, in many cases (he'll never let go of his main squeeze). However, on the off chance that he does leave his wife or girlfriend -- how could you possibly trust him to remain faithful to you!" Something to think about.
Some women also do themselves a serious disservice by developing fatal attraction -- desiring a man so badly -- that they do practically anything to get him and keep him, either committing acts that compromise their values and lorals or wasting their time pining away for a man who isn't the least bit interested in them. Like the movie which shares the same name "Fatal Attraction" --and you know how that ended (Badly) of course!
Never, carry a torch for that man -- who neither wants you nor deserves you -- And as a women you have to make choices in your relationship that will give you a level of dignity or live to regret your decision.
2. Having a Savior Complex.
So he drinks, smokes, swears, doesn't like church or children -- and nibbles on his fingers. But that's okay, because once I get with him "He'll Change" -- the famous last words spoken by women -- once they realize all the kisses in the world won't make a prince out of a frog. Women say; " I knew He Had a Drinking Problem, But I Could Fix Him". This is a mistake women make -- in coning themselves into thinking they can correct whatever undesirable characteristic are present in their mate. "I Can Fix Another Person". Women have to get over the idea -- they can fix everything that's wrong.
No matter how much a woman wishes, begs, cajoles or threatens a man to conform to her vision of perfection -- he won't change unless he wants to change. If he's comfortable with the way he is -- well, you should be too. Otherwise, save yourself years of frustration and kiss your froggie-good-bye.
3. Suffering from the Cinderella Syndrome.
The evil twin of the Savior Complex is the Cinderella Syndrome. Too many women are waiting for a rich, handsome and generous prince to sweep them off their feet and whisk them away from all their financial and emotional problems to a happily ever after -- while they expect to do little or nothing for him in return. Guess What? No upscale man in his right mind would make a commitment to a gold-digger or a an emotionally needy woman -- who only sees him as a means to a selfish end.
4. Giving It Up Too Quickly (SEX).
Another big mistake women often make -- is giving up the key to their bodies, hearts, apartments and finances to a man without even getting to know his real intentions for the relationship. "A Lot of Women Fly Beyond Intimacy and Straight Into Sex"; It's like the body has just taken over -- and they don't really know this man. They don't know his value, what his needs are, how he copes and thinks... (only time will tell wheather that man is in it for the long haul) so be patient. Until then, access to your heart, your body, your finances and your personal business should be restricted.
5. Making Lust, Not Love.
Another mistake many women make in relationships -- is equating sex with love and intimacy. While sex can be a means for two people to express the love they have for each other -- it's also can be an end unto itself. Unfortunately, some women still believe that if a man sleeps with them -- it means he loves them, which is not always the case. Sex and intimacy are not at all synonymous.
We know people sexually, but we don't know them intimately. Men and Women don't take the time to get to know what a partner really needs -- what a partner really wants to feel comfortable, to feel safe -- which explains why when something is going bad -- most are at a loss what to do, how to do, and when to do... (intimacy can take many non-sexual forms). It can mean cuddling -- or just telling that special someone "I Love You".
6. Lugging Old Baggage.
Expecting your current 'beau' to mess up, cheat on you -- or abandon you because that's what your ex-husband -- all your old ex-boyfriends -- or your father did is unfair and sets the stage for trouble in paradise. Everyone deserves to start off a relationship with a clean slate -- without the expectation of failure. Majority of relationship experts agree that -- judging your man based on the bad actions of others (lays the groundwork for a relationship built on doubt, insecurity and mistrust). The law of the land says 'All People' (including men) "Are Innocent Until Proven Guilty" -- so don't try to convict and hang him before he does something wrong.
Another big mistake women often make -- is giving up the key to their bodies, hearts, apartments and finances to a man without even getting to know his real intentions for the relationship. "A Lot of Women Fly Beyond Intimacy and Straight Into Sex"; It's like the body has just taken over -- and they don't really know this man. They don't know his value, what his needs are, how he copes and thinks... (only time will tell wheather that man is in it for the long haul) so be patient. Until then, access to your heart, your body, your finances and your personal business should be restricted.
5. Making Lust, Not Love.
Another mistake many women make in relationships -- is equating sex with love and intimacy. While sex can be a means for two people to express the love they have for each other -- it's also can be an end unto itself. Unfortunately, some women still believe that if a man sleeps with them -- it means he loves them, which is not always the case. Sex and intimacy are not at all synonymous.
We know people sexually, but we don't know them intimately. Men and Women don't take the time to get to know what a partner really needs -- what a partner really wants to feel comfortable, to feel safe -- which explains why when something is going bad -- most are at a loss what to do, how to do, and when to do... (intimacy can take many non-sexual forms). It can mean cuddling -- or just telling that special someone "I Love You".
6. Lugging Old Baggage.
Expecting your current 'beau' to mess up, cheat on you -- or abandon you because that's what your ex-husband -- all your old ex-boyfriends -- or your father did is unfair and sets the stage for trouble in paradise. Everyone deserves to start off a relationship with a clean slate -- without the expectation of failure. Majority of relationship experts agree that -- judging your man based on the bad actions of others (lays the groundwork for a relationship built on doubt, insecurity and mistrust). The law of the land says 'All People' (including men) "Are Innocent Until Proven Guilty" -- so don't try to convict and hang him before he does something wrong.
Democracy should not end on your doorstep.
7. Shouting and Pouting.
Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Even the sweetest woman can turn sour -- whe sufficiently provoked. Tell the truth? How many stories have you seapped with girlfriends about the nice little things you said -- or did to your significant other after he wronged you in some way, shape or form? And you must admit that some of those tales are downright frightening. Listen, there's nothing wrong with getting angry or even arguing; In, fact, it's healthy! Holding anger inside -- only allows it to fester until it erupts in self-destructive ways. Women should control their anger -- And not let it control them.
8. Disrespecting Him.
Whatever you care to call it (dissin, putting in check, low-rating, fronting-off, downing) all the names stand for is 'Disrepect'. Majority of men complained about -- that they get no respect from the workplace -- from society, even from the women in their lives. Men say; We're not affirmed. We're not looked at at as positive, as powerful. We're not looked at as men. We're looked at as cheaters, we can't be trusted... every negative.
If women and men are to engage in healthy, loving union; Mutual respect is a must. Women have to find effective, loving and affirming ways of getting their point across to their men. If, a man does something displeasing to a woman; She should wait until she's cooled off -- then privately discuss it with him -- which means not in front of his "Buddies" or her "Girlfriends". And what they discuss between them... should stay between them. Anger should never give a woman a license for disrespect.
9. Accepting Abusive Behavior.
Respecting a man doesn't mean a woman has to be his doormat. No matter how handsome he looks, how important he is, and how many bouquets of roses he sends to you after one of his "episodes"; Under no circumstances should you put up with either physical or emotional abuse. Bumps abd bruises heal -- yet emotional scares may last a life-time. Women should neither make excuses for his abuse nor believe that something they did or said is to blame for his violence. It's okay to still love your mates -- (yet leave them when their safety and peace of mind becomes jeopardized. Better to be alone and alive).
10. Losing Yourself.
Women often find themselves in relationships that are so self-absorbing -- that they no longer have time for family, friends or themselves. When men and women start relationships with each other, they both mat shut-off ties with everyone else "They unrealistically tend to believe that this person is going to fulfill every need we have." He says; "He's going to be my lover, my best friend, I can talk to him about anything." Is it fair that the boyfriend -- or the spouse, should fulfill all those needs, all of those roles?
Also, some women love their men to death. This good intentioned women spends practically every minute of her time doting over hime -- attending to his every need -- spoiling him rotten. Listen closely "Women Must Learn to Love Themselves First!" When you do this -- it gives you space to love your partner.
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