Question: He married another woman, but really loves me; How long do I wait? I have a strange relationship with a guy I met in 2015. He was living with a woman and they have a child. This guy and I went everywhere and did everything together. We kept no secrets. Well, he turned around and married the woman he lived with, but he didn't tell me. The day before he married her, he told me that he loved me. After he got married, I decided to leave him alone and move on with my life, but I could not really let go. He still calls and says he loves me. He has never disrespected me and treats me as if I'm the only one who exists in his world. He says I'm his only true love. His mother tells me to just stand by his side. But how long do I have to wait?
New York
Answer: Exactly what are you waiting for? He made his decision when he married the other woman. Stop listening to him and his mother. Stop being a fool. He has disrespected you, and you are disrespecting yourself. As long as he can keep you at his beck and call, he will.
Question: I was in my first-ever relationship and it lasted for three years. In the summer, I went to visit my boyfriend and found out that he didn't live there anymore. We were deeply in love, and we were planning to get married. I really want to find him so maybe we can hook up again. Sometimes I if I hadn't moved to another city, our relationship would still be going strong. Please help! It has been one year and six months that I've been without love, and I'm still not over him yet. Please tell me how I can find him or tell me what I can do? He nicknamed me "Short Stuff," and I keep that name because of him. I miss him so. Please, please help me!
Tampa
Answer: You can forget about this long-lost love. If he wanted to be found, he would have contacted you. In fact, he would not have moved without telling you where he was going. Sometime things that are unattainable appear to be much better than they actually are. Realistically, how wonderful was this long distance relationship? Did he travel to see you or were you the only one trying to make the relationship work? If necessary, seek counseling to get over this guy. He has moved on. You must do the same.
Question: About a year ago, the guy I've been dating for almost three years asked me to move in with him, and I agreed. I thought relationships that start out as friends were a good thing. In the beginning, he was the nicest, sweetest man I'd ever met. That's why I fell in love with him. Everybody likes him. The problem is he's been married twice, and both of his wives cheated on him; even his girlfriend cheated on him. He is so hard on me; he is looking for me to cheat on him too. I try talking to him until I;m blue in the face to convince him that I'm not like hix exes. I really am different. I have no problem being with one man. I love him with all my heart, but I'm getting tired. His favorite line is "all women are ho's"'. I understand that he's been hurt; so have I, but I learned how to move on. I think I'm the kind of person he needs in his life. I wish he could see that. I really don't want to give up on this relationship, but my heart can't take anymore. I am a good person; why can't he see that I'm different? Can this relationship be saved? Please help me!
Louisana
Answer: Your partner has some deep-rooted issues that are not of your making, but you should not be victimized by his bruised ego from past relationships. Tell him, one more time, that you love him and you want to stick by him, but that you will not continue to let yourself be subjected to his nasty remarks and rantings about women from the past. Put your foot down and tell him to stop calling you a whore and using that kind of language in regard to women. Sure, you may love him, but how deep should your love be? Respect yourself and demand that he respect you also. Ask your partner to go to couples counseling with you. If he refuses and continues to rant and rave about cheating women, move on. Emotional and psychological abuse can be just as bad as physical abuse.
Question: I am 28 and in love with a 42-year old man. We've dated for three years, and my man has yet to trust me. I have not given him any reason not to trust me. My man gets phone records from our cell phones. Is he trying to convince himself that I am unfaithful? I have tried talking to him and I am all talked-out. He also doesn't want to spend time with my family. I am finally losing interest in this relationship. I was hoping to marry him, but since he has free sex, laundry service, a live-in maid and a waitress/cook, I don't feel he will ever ask me to marry him. Or do I even want to marry this guy? Is this older man just using me to be his young thang?
Tennessee
Answer: Based on what you wrote in your letter, it is difficult to understand why you are even with this man. A man/woman relationship should be satisfying and rewarding for both parties, not a one-way street littered with potholes of inequity. If you are not satisfied with the way your man treats you now, rest assured that it will get no better if you marry him. You are young and have a lot of living ahead of you. Don't settle for a relationship or marriage that lacks trust, compatibility and love.
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