Divorce damages everything and everyone. Those suffering with the pain of divorce long for a simple pill or program to remove the pain and allow them to continue as though the relational breakdown never occurred. Unfortunately, post divorce's nuclear winter requires diligence to traverse the cold, dangerous waters. Grieving the loss, like those facing the death of a loved one, becomes the first step on the road to recovery.The Small Circle
Think of these items as the tiny little changes preparing one for the bigger steps down the road. No one runs a marathon on the initial outing or paints a masterpiece by grabbing a paintbrush for the first time. These are confidence builders. They bolster the changes to come.
* Change the House: A fresh coat of paint and organized closets will help reset the basis of one's life while giving confidence through small decisions.
* Get a Pair of Running Shoes: Everyone thinks they will never be able to move forward, but getting out of the house for at least a walk will help focus the mind for the challenges ahead.
* Prune Contacts: While sounding counter intuitive, one needs trusted allies they can rely on at this time to help prevent rushing to social media and airing it all there.
* Consider a Companion: Coming out of a long term relationship, professionals recommend getting a furry or scaly or wet friend to come home to, be responsible for and foster companionship.
The Medium Circle
Whereas the initial circle focused on the surface level, these survival tools expand areas of growth. Most people either wish to transition to this or later items too soon. It is important to take the time and grow into this area.
Connect with Family: Those who care about one the most, parents and children, want a status of their loved one's heart. Grown children, who have witnessed their parents from a single viewpoint, may be reticent to engage with the pain of the divorce and how it has affected everyone. Leading by example proves critical in this area because most people are looking to see how they should respond.
Keep a Sound Financial Plan: Often those who never worried about finances become overwhelmed and drown under either new found responsibilities or a wave of changes. Making budgets, monitoring credit and having a clear eye towards the current and future financial status will keep the mind free to concentrate on bigger issues.
Do Something Fun: Living life post divorce can feel like a laundry list of painful to dos. While true on the surface, one must find things they like. Taking a trip over a long weekend, attending a class or developing a new hobby takes the focus of the deep work done and coming up.
The Large Circle
Another way to consider this would be the deepest circle because it involves the most personal work that will need to be done. No one will be able to skate through this because the event will change them. This will be the time where who they are, what they believe and how they will move forward will be shaped.
* Professional Help: Get a counselor because talking it out is the best way to work through the deep pain.
* Forgive: Offer forgiveness to everyone, especially oneself, permitting a release of all the negativity holding one back.
* Change: Take a hard look and make necessary changes to allow the best to shine through moving forward.
* Time: Ask how long it will take for the pain to go away and then grant the grace of an additional 12 months.
Nothing comes about the way anyone plans. Everyone thinks their vision is the clearest. Surviving divorce, as with any other tragedy, means putting in long hours with oneself, forgiving deeply and letting time work its own special magic. Now, breath and take the first step by beginning to grieve.
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