The emotional blow brought about by the ending of a relationship, especially one with deep roots, tends to shatter even the strongest foundations of self esteem. People begin to question why it happened, if they are worthy of love and where their true value lies. These questions force the person to stare deep within themselves for the answers. Simple responses like "time heals all wounds" or "there are other fish in the sea" never reach the darker corners causing people to wrestle with themselves in the middle of the night. Fortunately, steps can be taken to repair the damage done to the self esteem because of a break up.Establish Your Value:
Following the end of the relationship, someone might find it challenging to see how they matter. The initial step centers around discovering where true value lies. The first pass of this step needs to be done alone. After taking time and fully considering one's value, they can then take their insights to a trusted friend or counselor. People rarely, if ever, possess a clear picture of themselves. They might discount important components of themselves, so they need an outside view.
Aspects of Values to Consider:
Values Rarely Change: It might be easier to view these as the elements making up someone's personality and character. They might mellow or intensify with stress or calm, but values almost never vanish.
Values Run in Packs: Clusters of values swirl around making up the whole person. Finding one will usually bring another to the surface.
Values Scream and Whisper: When on the search, some values will be obvious like those who place a high value on their care of others. Sneakier values duck and hide fearing their exposure might cause pain. All the values are important, even the ones not wanting to be found.
Working in the Now:
Taking time for oneself is critical following a break up. In the cauldron of the emotional turmoil, one can find the things pointing them toward a smarter, kinder and wiser version of themselves. Some important parts of this process need to be remembered.
* Patience: Everything will not be better or revealed overnight. Quick answers will not bring lasting comfort.
* Compassion: Being kind to oneself can be one of the greatest challenges because lashing inward proves easy.
* Perspective: The past is a guide and not a template for all things in the future. Learn without clinging.
Avoid Shortcuts:
Following the break up and when hurting deeply, one may struggle to salve the wounds with things to tamp down the pain. Relying on distractions, even good distractions, will prolong the time spent trying to bring the self esteem to a healthy place. Using repetitive, numbing actions only give temporary boosts or blankets to one's view of their self worth.
Self esteem is like a tree with times of flourishing and times of pruning. One can view a break up as a way to see what is truly important and where their true value lies. By focusing during this time, one will be ready for the next relationship while taking comfort in being alone. Also, a strong self esteem permits anyone to stand secure in who they are.
I also like to recommend you check out "The Magic Of Making Up" - click here for more information.
Comments