Expectations prove tricky. When going to the movies, a glowing review from a friend may hype the story too much leading to a disappointing evening because it did not meet the lofty standards. It might have been better had the friend said nothing at all. The situation grows even more critical when returning to a relationship. Knowing pitfalls and the key areas where they land offers the opportunity to resuscitate expectations offering the greatest chance for success moving forward.
Time:
With this category, the length of the relationship and level of comfort can set the expectation. Each person should come back in with fresh eyes which can be challenging. The correlation between a long relationship and high expectations will place pressure to return a similar level of togetherness without taking into account the time separated. Dial down the pressure in order to find the right amount of time in each other's company nestled between too much and not enough. Watch for growing pains. They will likely cause a bumpy road.
Teaming Up:
If the relationship exploded, often couples find it harder to trust their partner will have their back even when certain assurances have been made. Feelings of a lack of support or honesty can be normal. Not placing too much pressure on forging an instant bond yields frustration.
Communicate:
Falling into old communication patterns and expectations lead to future problems. Most couples with problems communicating end up separated. A return to a relationship never resolves the hidden pitfalls. Consider some good ideas to help with communication expectations.
* Speak Up: A partner cannot guess what is being said unless it is spelled out. Hearing specific thoughts, feelings and needs forges a better bond.
* Extra Steps: Too often, couples want to leap immediately to the end. Go slow and add clarifying statements to make sure everyone is on the same page.
* Hard Work: No shortcuts exist for good communication, so expecting everything to be easy will only bring about more headaches and frustrations.
Heart Care:
The place where unrealistic expectations can do the most damage is the emotional arena. A long foundation where conversations about the past and shared history bonds partners provides a shorthand to intimacy. It becomes easy to rely on the past rather than assessing the current state of things and moving forward accordingly. No couple, whether they were together previously or not, should hold their partner to a standard they are not willing to keep themselves.
* The bond never develops from the moment the relationship restarts. Lower the intimacy bond.
* Using the past as a guide, watch to see how a partner may have grown or changed in the time apart. Raise the encouragement.
* Pay attention to what the other person needs by asking and experimenting with new ways to share love. Raise the heart.
Expectations, like weeds in a garden, show areas where work needs to occur and may choke out healthy growth if ignored. Wisdom gives one the chance to temper a critical heart and tongue. Making sure a future exists starts with not apply an old paradigm to something new. Keep an open heart, give love a chance and every expectation will be topped.
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