To Re-kindle or Move On?

Retrieving an ex when they have started dating almost always proves tricky at best. It is never impossible, but it can be very difficult. Rather than entering into a protracted battle to secure an ex once more, one should take a look at the relationship, determine what would be the best possible outcome and then take steps to make a healthy offer to move forward.

Assessing the Past and Present

The End: One needs to avoid being clouded by an unrealistic view of a former relationship. This means accurately seeing how things ended and asking challenging questions such as:

* Was there infidelity?
* How healthy was the relationship to begin with?
* If changes could be made, what would they be?
* What is going on now causing consideration of a return to the ex?

The Present: One cannot view things from a solitary standpoint. Loneliness, solitude and a lack of personal prospects coupled with the happiness of an ex bolsters a sense of hopefulness about getting back into a relationship. By turning a blind eye to an ex's current happiness, it can lead to greater damage especially if things ended well. Breaking things further may seem like a small price to pay. Unfortunately, ripples reach far beyond the shores of the present moment. This can stop a reunion before it even begins.

Looking to the Possible Results

People, especially those dealing with being alone while an ex has moved forward, tend to look at the rosiest of options. Rather than letting such thoughts live within the fertile ground of the imagination, one should execute an important exercise. Take a blank sheet of paper and divide it into three equal sections. At the top of the page, write "Good," "Bad" and "Ugly" into individual sections. Then, write out the scenario for each being as detailed as possible. Though seemingly childish or a flight of fantasy, this process will give clearer options moving forward. It may also give rise to more sobering aspects of the results of shattering a romance for potentially selfish gain.

Moving Forward

Fortunately, no relationship springs from whole cloth. The first steps will be slow. Even if things blossom into a rekindled romance, it likely will not happen for several months as trust is reestablished. For that reason, use these as markers along the way.

* Go Slow: Rushing to the point at which the old relationship ended, even if things were good, will likely end in another break up.

* Build Trust: Ignoring hurt feeling on both sides minimizes what was there including the positive parts.

* Accentuate Positives: Saying unflattering things about the current relationship or decisions made presents a needy face.

* Be Gracious: Trying to be warm and grateful for the person's role, in the past, present and future will mean more no matter what happens.

Only by realistically accepting the difficulties presented through this course of action can a person navigate the return into an ex's life. Their current relationship is only single hurdle being faced. If it is ignored or knocked down, you will never achieve anything more than greater pain. Be smart and look into their life with an open heart.

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