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Heartbreak 101

Finding fulfillment after heartbreak can seem difficult. What should you keep in mind to survive your relationship breakdown?

1. You are not delusional. Many times after a breakup, women second guess themselves – and begin to think that they were not actually in love, or that it wasn’t true love to begin with. Just because the relationship ended does not negate the reality of your feelings.

2. Don’t play the “What If?” game. Don’t spend time wondering about what could happen (“Will he find someone else? Will his new partner be prettier/smarter/a better cook than me?”) Trying to imagine what will happen only prolongs your heartache, and is not helping you to recover. Spend your time focusing on moving past the relationship.

3. Release the anger. Anger is an important part of the stages of grief. You need to feel anger – it helps you to move beyond the relationship. Don’t hold on to the anger for too long. Sometimes anger becomes a habit and is causing more harm than good. Feel anger, and then move on.

4. Let go of the connection. It is tempting to go back to the relationship – even after it is over. Many women want to beg their ex to take them back, promising to change or do things differently. Accept the end of the relationship. Don’t try to force a broken relationship to work.

5. Get help. Find a support group – family and friends are a great place to start. If you are not near people who can give you the support and encouragement you need, consider joining a therapy or support group. If you have thoughts of suicide or of acting out in anger, seek professional therapy or counselling.

6. Understand your worth. Just because your relationship ended, it does not mean that you are unworthy or unable to be loved. Not everyone is capable of giving you the love you need. This isn’t your fault! You have immense value and worth – keep looking until you find the person who appreciates and recognizes it.

7. Onward and upward. It may seem like the end of the world – but it will get better. Focus on taking care of yourself: healthy eating, exercise and proper rest; as well as making changes in your life that are for the better. As you begin to heal, you’ll find that you are moving beyond the heartbreak and into a place of wholeness that will be a good starting point for a new relationship.

Heartbreak can give you a new perspective on the world. You may learn to appreciate the value of a love you once had, or may make you appreciate the small pleasures of sitting quietly in the park and watching the birds.

Use heartbreak to motivate you to try a new experience, meet new people or travel to new places. Yes heartbreak hurts. But it does heal, and you can recover. Don’t be afraid to let yourself get better, you only have to be willing to take a chance on yourself – and love.

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