Marriage Counseling is a difficult task. Marriage counseling is an
emotional challenge. Marriage counseling is about answering questions.
Marriage counseling is about rolling your eyeballs. Think about these
statements. While they are all true, the key statement in this group is
the one about answering questions.
If partners go to marriage counseling to resolve marital conflict
and try to save a troubled marriage, they are going to confront a lot of
questions. This is because the counselor often starts with a goal of
learning about and understanding what is going on in the marriage.
Marriage Counselors often use individual and partners counseling
sessions to learn about both the individual and shared views, partners
hold about the union. The agreement or lack of agreement in each
partners perceptions, can be a big help in finding common ground or
fractures within a marriage.
These questions are not rocket science, but confronting them in a
controlled environment with a third party like the counselor, is often
the first time many partners have considered the subject or the issues. A
board general question like "how would you describe your marriage?" can
provide volumes of information to work with right away and to share in
future sessions.
"How would you describe your partners role in your marriage?", is a
question that can really start the ball rolling in both individual and
couples sessions. An answer of "he/she is the decision-maker", is far
different from an answer like, "he/she is responsible for MY happiness."
However, lack of agreement between partners in either case, calls for
serious work on defining roles and responsibilities within the marriage
partnership.
If you have been involved in marriage counseling, the counselor may
have ask you to write a job description for your "position" in your
marriage. This approach can provide an amazing eye opener for both
individuals and marriage partners.
The demands of a marriage can be very much like those of a job.
Marriages require tons of planning and that is not just about the
wedding, but every day. If planning ended with the honeymoon, focus
people! Marriages and families demand coordination and scheduling, ask
any parent. Marriages call for building agreements and making decisions.
Marriages can even involve contracts, much like a business.
Let's take the family holidays example. A marriage can bring
together as many as five or six families for children of divorce. It is
not just the family created by the marriage that gets all the attention
come a major holiday like Thanksgiving or Xmas.
Making a decision about retaining past family traditions and
gatherings, provides a test of the marriage partners management skills.
The demands for planning and coordination will be right in your face.
You could be dealing with the input and demands of parents, siblings,
grandparents and even step-parents. Decisions about travel will flow
right into planning and coordinating schedules and other logistics.
So, if a marriage counselor asks you to write a job description or
to define your roles and responsibilities in you marriage partnership,
don't be afraid to put on you managers hat.
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