Is marriage a contract or a covenant?
So many times we hear marriage referred to as a contract. Sometimes it’s even called “just a piece of paper”.
One dictionary definition of a contract is, “A binding agreement
between two or more persons that is enforceable by law.” A contract, by
definition, is a give/get relationship between two or more parties. You
agree to do something and in return you get something for your efforts.
A builder signs a contract stating that he or she will build you a
house and in return you agree to pay them a pre-determined amount of
money. If the house is not built or the money isn’t paid, then it’s off
to court.
Many great things have been accomplished through the use of
contracts. A contract essentially attempts to keep honest people honest
and dishonest people to a minimum.
A contract can be an extensive five-hundred page document,
researched and compiled by top-paid lawyers over a grueling amount of
time, listing multiple “what-if..” scenarios and agreed upon outcomes,
or it can be a simple verbal agreement bound by a single handshake.
However, in most cases, when two people marry, the signed marriage
registration document merely states that the two people mentioned in the
document were joined in matrimony. It does not mention anything about
things agreed upon – who will give what, and what they will get in
return from the other person.
Even the vows don’t contain any “What I will get in return”
statements. They only contain what each party will give and not what
they will get. This is because love is a very powerful “life force”. It
is not just an emotion. When someone truly loves another they don’t
count the cost. Parents will risk their own lives without a thought to
save the life of even one of their children.
Marriage is a contract in that it binds both people together, but it
is much more than that. Marriage is a more like a covenant which is
much deeper than a contract. In a marriage covenant, each party agrees
to give themselves totally and unconditionally to their partner. It’s an
“I’ll be there for you no matter what” attitude. That’s the commitment
level required to make a marriage work.
Is this a hard commitment to live out in practice? Ask any marriage
that has survived many years and you’ll hear the answer to be a
resounding “Yes!” Marriage, like anything good, has to be worked at if
it is to succeed and each party enjoy years of fulfilling life with
their spouse. Ask those same couples if it was all worth it and you will
also hear a resounding “Yes!”
Marriages break down when one or both of the parties consistently
fails to live out their commitment to the other and the load is too much
to bear for the other partner.
It’s only when both parties live out their married lives to each
other as a covenant, and not just a contract, that a marriage can be
strong and survive in today’s world.
Living out a full covenant of married love can bring a joy, a
strength, a closeness, and a life filled with love that truly lasts
until “death do us part”.
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