Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that "special someone"
who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one
person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there
for you, no matter what? If so, you're not alone. In fact, statistics
show that about 90% of adults will get married at least once in their
lives.
As a society, we've become so conditioned to the fairy tale of
"Happily Ever After" that many people actually feel as if their life is
lacking something if they're not a part of a couple.
But sadly, just like in the movies, most peoples' thoughts seem to
stop at the part when the music swells and the happy couple says "I do"
and loses themselves in that first magic kiss as husband and wife. They
don't think about what happens after the honeymoon.
Considering that about 43% of all marriages in the U.S. ends in
divorce, perhaps a class on the realities of building and maintaining a
strong healthy marriage should become required before signing on the
dotted line of a marriage license.
Having a happy marriage doesn't just happen by accident. It doesn't
happen because you're "in love" or "perfect" for each other. Marriage
is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment,
dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.
Here are some tips given by couples whose marriages are strong and
healthy. Follow them, adapt them to work in your own marriage, and
you'll be on your way to having what we all want -- a happy marriage!
1. Communicate. It's important that you keep the lines of
communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many
outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends,
hobbies, education, church. If you're suddenly not being able to spend
time together, or you're fighting about money, it's especially
important to talk about what's going on.
2. Listen. It's a sad fact that we are often more polite to
strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is
trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for
dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your
marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd give a complete stranger,
and LISTEN! Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve
their problems, and don't ever say, "I told you so!" Here's an
especially apt poem, written by Ogden Nash:
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.
3. Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple
has their own private rituals - things they do that has a special
meaning just to them. So whether it's getting your spouse coffee every
morning, a special touch that means "I love you", or creating couple
signals for "Let's get out of here, or "No, I don't want to buy a
timeshare for $95,000!" find your own. Remember some of your favorite
childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in
your own couple. Someday, you'll look back on each time as a treasured
memory.
4. Go on a date. Couples who have been together for thirty, forty
and even fifty years or more say that one of the things that has kept
their marriage strong is going out on a "date" with their spouse on a
regular basis. If money is tight, try taking a walk together, going to a
dollar movie, or even to a drive-in. Spending quality "couple-time"
helps to reinforce the special feelings that made you fall in love with
each other in the first place.
5. Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never
discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they're
married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because
of a difference in how money is handled in the couple. Before you walk
down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying
bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who
will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major
differences is only going to lead to long term problems.
6. Love and Respect. No matter what happens outside of your
marriage, it's vital that you and your spouse always treat each other
with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for
couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include:
Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or
before going out. Say "I love you" every single day. Mind your manners,
and say "Please" and "Thank-you". Do something for the one you love
every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other.
Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you've
heard them. Don't sweat the little things. Try something new once in a
while.
7. Maintain a commitment to your marriage. This can be especially
difficult today, but it's important that you put your marriage first. If
you're committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that
your partner shares your commitment, there's nothing that the two of you
can't accomplish.
And you'll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage!
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