Military Marriage Can Be Challenging - And Thats A Fact

Being a part of a military marriage can be difficult with one of you always having to leave on deployment and the other always being left behind to deal with the day to day business of running a household.

The one left behind has to be able to be as independent as needed to get the things done that need to be done while the other is off fighting for the freedoms we sometimes take for granted in this country.

It is possible to maintain a happy, fulfilling military marriage if both parties are willing to devote the time and energy to making it so.

Here are some tips to keeping your relationship strong through those times you are apart.
1. Make the most of those times when you get to be together. If the one away gets leave time and can come home for a month or so, do everything you can to spend that time reconnecting and getting to know each other again.

Some might find this exhilarating and find they like the level of romance this can bring with it. It may feel like you get to start from scratch each time they come home. Leave any problems for a later time.

2. Be supportive of your spouse when they have to leave. Being in the armed forces is a great responsibility and it will be better for the one who needs to leave to know that they have the support of their spouse even though you will miss each other greatly.

3. Get the support you need as the one who stays behind from friends and groups within the military community. They do not have to be formal groups either, although I am sure there are some of those as well. Just find someone to talk out your worries and troubles so you do not start to feel all alone.

4. Schedule your time wisely. He or she will be more at ease if they know you are handling things to the best of your ability here on the home front. They have so many other things to concentrate on while they are away, like the safety of themselves and their unit.

5. Be true to yourself. Making sure you are taking good care of yourself is the best way to be able to take care of everything else. You will miss him or her every day they are gone but do what you can to keep from sinking into a depression and feeling bad.

6. Schedule fun activities for the children, if you have them and talk to them often about the parent that is gone so they can express their fears or worries and get them under control. You are the adult and you know how you feel with the other parent gone. Just imagine how your children feel.

With today's technology, you will no doubt be able to see and speak with your spouse even while they are on deployment, although it may be few and far between and mostly unplanned. This will help you both keep your military marriage healthy and happy as well.

Your Jealous Of Others Relationships; 4 Steps to Not Be

Having a relationship can be a wonderful experience. Being with someone you can connect with, relate to, and generally just enjoy spending time with is one of the things most people out there need. Companionship is one of the driving forces behind human interaction and because of that we can become deeply attached to others.

This also has the drawback of making any break ups quite painful. You put in the time and effort necessary to build up a relationship with someone, only to have it all be for nothing in the end. So getting over a break up can be tough. Your jealous of others in working relationships, mad at yourself for letting it fall thru, hurt, maybe feeling betrayed. So getting past all of this can be difficult, but not impossible. With a few simple tips you should be able to press ahead and come out the other side.

1. Stay positive. Keeping a positive attitude is important after a break up. Letting yourself get depressed only makes recovery that much more difficult, and that much more time consuming. If you keep a positive mindset and look on the bright side of life you will not only be much happier but also have a much easier time with overcoming the sadness and pain you feel after a bad break up.

2.  Do not become a recluse; In other words ( one who retreats from the world to live in solitude ) When dealing with a bad break up your jealous of other people for not having to deal with this pain. You may also feel like you can no longer trust others and this is why so many people become reclusive after a particularly nasty break up. They will lock themselves away in their home and see their friends and family less and less. However keeping active and enjoying life will help you forget and move past the pain you currently feel.

3. Look for help. When something bad happens to us, we often need or want a shoulder to cry on. There is nothing wrong with this, in fact keeping your emotions bottled up is the worst thing you can do. So finding someone to talk to about your break up can help you get it all off your chest. It does not necessarily have to be friends or family if you do not want to burden them. You can go to a counselor and talk with them, at the very least they can be someone to rant at, that is what they are paid for after all.

4. Keep going. After a break up, the worst possible thing you can ever do is to simply give up. Giving into your despair and convincing yourself that you simply were not cut out for love. No matter what you can not let yourself do this. Even if your jealous or hurt, these negative emotions will only bring you down if you let them.

No matter how bad your break up is, you will get through it in time and you will find love again if you keep looking.

Finances In Relationships Before and After the Wedding

Money problems are one of the biggest reasons two people get divorced. Did you know if you had just sat down and talked about how each of you would like to do things before you got married then you would most likely not have problems with finances in relationships after you are married?

That's right, the best way to forgo arguments about finances in relationships is to talk things out and create a plan for when you two have to combine your lives and income. No two people have the same feelings about money and if there is enough to pay all the bills and still  have some fun then you are way ahead of the pack in this economy.

Here is what you should do:  A few weeks before the wedding you should sit down and plan out your financial life. Write down some goals you both have and where you both want to be in six months, one year, and five years. Go out longer if you want to just make sure to take into consideration any raises either of you might get. I know that is difficult to do sometimes but if you want to go ahead.

Be ready, because you both may have to compromise some things in order to make things work financially. Someone who likes to spend money may have to be put on an allowance each week. Talk it out, work it out and find a compromise that each of you can live with.

Sometimes it is in your best interest to have separate checking accounts and each one of you be responsible for a portion of the household debt. Or, you could each maintain your own accounts and have a third for each of you to deposit enough in to cover the bills each month.

The simplest might be to just have one checking account and pool all the money so you both know where every cent is going. This way you could also have a savings account and be saving for the things you want.

Be sure to have paper and pen nearby when you sit down to talk so you can mock up a budget. Combine both your yearly incomes and see where you fall. Now, decide together how much you could spend on a house and enter this number in your mock budget. This is good practice for when you get married, by the way.

Then put in good ballpark figure of what it would cost for electric and gas and water usage. Include insurance payments for the house and the cars. Do not forget about gas for the cars and food each week. Whatever you need to pay put a number for it in your mock budget so you can get a good idea of where you will be after the wedding.

Finances in relationships do not have to be so stressful. If one of you would rather do the bills then elect that person to be in charge and take your weekly allowance without complaint.

Satisfaction In Relationship Guaranteed

Mutual satisfaction in relationship is not that difficult to achieve if you both are willing to accept the other as they are. When both parties continually get what they want and need from a relationship then you can be content and satisfied in your relationship.

Satisfaction in relationship comes in all shapes and sizes and depending on the type of person each of you are it can be different for all concerned.

For instance, if one of you has got to be in control all the time and one of you is a doormat then this might give both of you some satisfaction. You are both getting what you need and as long as there is no abuse going on this type of arrangement might work very well.

If you both have figured out that somethings are harder for you to do and the other of you is good at those things then you probably make a great team. When one does not know how to do something the other does and you both benefit from each others knowledge and skill.

Maybe you are both laid back and just take the world as it comes to you. This can work too. No one needs too much stress in their lives and if the two of you have found out how to live with very little stress then more power to you.

If your relationship is tense and sometimes too much to handle then you need to find ways to make things better. I believe this is called simplifying your life. Get rid of all the baggage you do not need any longer. It could be something simple like changing phone plans so you save a little bit of money each month.

Spend that extra cash for a date night once or twice a month and try to keep things as fresh as possible. Sneak in little surprises here and there and just try to see the other point of view instead of fighting to the death over a difference of opinion.

Take the time to remember the good times you have had and some of the memories that go along with those good times. This may prompt you to do some little thing every now and then to remind your partner of those times.

Plan a surprise weekend away, send the kids to grandma's house for the weekend and do not tell your partner where you are going until you get close. The surprise element of this will keep them guessing and coming back for more.

Believe it or not if you keep them guessing all the time and they do keep coming back for more then there is no room for boredom or becoming complacent in the relationship. Now I do not mean that you have to do something surprising every single day of your marriage but come up with ideas to make one night a week exciting for the both of you.

Soon the other one of you will see how fun it can be and maybe jump on the bandwagon and start planning some things of their own for the two of you to do. These are some tips for creating satisfaction in relationship.

How to Add Investment In Relationships; Time Not Money

Having an investment in relationships is the best way to learn to trust each other. As we all know trust is the basis of all good relationships. If you do not have a good level of trust then you do not have a very good relationship.

That level of trust does not develop over night however, you must work at it. And, trust that has been built over time can be gone in a heartbeat if one of you starts doing stupid things to hurt your relationship.

An investment in relationships does not have anything to do with money. The investment comes from being there for someone when they need you and being reliable even when they do not. The best way for you to accomplish this is to do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it. This is a simple concept. When the small things are taken care of then you can move on to bigger things.

If she calls you up and says she needs you to pick her up from work or where ever and for you to be there at a certain time then make sure you are waiting for her when she comes out. Do not make her wait for you. She will be tired and want nothing more than to see your smiling face at the end of her day.

Another way to earn her trust is to confide in her about things that bother you. Confide in her about things that interest you. The two of you will feel closer than ever before and this will show her that you trust her with some of the big stuff. If she confides something to you earn more trust by keeping it to yourself, do not spread what she tells you all over town.

Show some vulnerability sometimes. No one is as strong as they need to be all the time. Let her know you need her to be there for you when you are feeling down and just want to talk things out. She will feel that you need her when you do this. Try to come out of your comfort zone and let her inside for just a moment.

Do things to make her feel important in your world. If she wants to go see a chick-flick then take her and try to have fun. On the flip side she should be interested in doing the same for you. Be careful here though, because you might get caught up in what she wants and neglect your own stuff. Do not do that to her and she will not do that to you.

And last but not least, carve out some time for each other. Life can get in the way and with this being the technology age that it is you can get lost in all the text messages and e-mails and almost forget to see each other everyday. Making an investment in relationships is just this simple.

Romantic Relationships-In The Work Place; Oh My

Romantic relationships happen all the time. It is especially possible that they can happen in the workplace. When you have many people working in the same place day after day friendships will develop and can possibly turn into something more. You might find that a group of co-workers will start going out on the town for drinks after work every Friday night.

This behavior is normal and romantic relationships can develop between two people who spend a lot of time together in any situation may find they have feelings for each other and the workplace is no exception. How this can influence things at work depends on if the relationship works out or not.

If you are considering dating someone at work check out the HR policy on it first, you may find you can get into some trouble if you date someone within the company. Otherwise do what you can to keep things under wraps while you are at work for two reasons.

No one needs to know your business and if there is a policy against co-workers dating then you will stay out of trouble. A third reason is that you both will not become fodder for the rumor mill.

When the dynamic changes between two people at work and they decide to commit to each other in a serious manner care must be taken to keep productivity at the same level or higher otherwise the boss will suspect something is going on and she/he may question you.

Do what you can to stay as productive as you were before the relationship started and you will not have any problems. Do not spend all of your time sending e-mails or calling the other person on the phone. There is a time and a place for all of that and at work is not that time or place.

Make plans to meet for lunch before you get to work. Then at lunch make plans for after work. Try your best to keep your relationship out of the workplace. You may be so excited and feel like telling some of your closer co-workers about your new love but refrain from doing so. Word will get out if you do this and this is when the trouble we talked about earlier can start.

No one needs to lose their job over falling in love especially in this economy where jobs are hard to come by. Do everything you can to keep the one you've got.

If the newness wears off and the relationship starts to go sour do your best to keep the breaking up out of the workplace as well. Do not let your productivity waver in this situation either. Deal with the break up on your own time.

Romantic relationships can be tough at any time but between two co-workers it needs special attention. If things do go sour and you work in the same department then one of you could ask for a transfer to another department to stay out of trouble. You know what they say, "Out of sight, out of mind".

How to Ask Marriage Counseling Questions

Many people are very intimidated to seek out the help of a therapist. One of the reasons for this intimidation is that they don't know what to expect. That is why I have created this article; to let you know some common marriage counseling questions that you will be asked.

As humans, we have a tendency to not question the things that should be questioned. For example, you might not really have taken the time to get to the bottom of what the problem is in your marriage.

Most of us think that we have, but we really haven't. We only see the outward manifestation of the bigger problem. For example, chances are you aren't going ballistic every time your husband leaves the toilet seat up just because that is such a big issue.

More than likely your reaction is more basic, more primal. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up you view it as a lack of consideration for you and your feelings. This perceived lack of consideration that you sense from your husband is the real issue, not the toilet seat. Make sense?

That is what the marriage counseling questions are all about. It is imperative that the counselor get to the bottom of the problems, the real issues. If you don't really know what it is yourself, how can you tell the counselor and how can they help you work on it?

So, here are some commonly asked questions that many counselors will ask you and your spouse to answer in your own words:

1. What are the problems or issues that made you decide to go to counseling? This question will be asked of both partners. If you listen you may just be amazed at how different your perceptions of the problems in your marriage and your spouses perceptions of the problems are.

This will provide the therapist with a place to start. They will know what each of you see as the problem as well as see where the two of you are diverging in your opinions of what the problems are.

2. Which one of these issues do you see as the most important? This will allow the counselor to figure out what you consider to be the most difficult issue to overcome. This knowledge will make it easier for them to focus in on those issues.

Instead of spending a lot of time wondering around in the dark, the counselor will have a much better idea of what each of you see as the issue's that are tearing your marriage apart.

Once they know where to focus their attention, they may be able to help you start finding possible solutions much more quickly.

Now that you know what common questions you are likely to be asked by your therapist, you can take some time to think about the issues in more depth.

Doing that will make it easier for you to accurately answer the questions when the counselor asks them. That can save you all a little time.

So, take some time and figure out how you would answer these common marriage counseling questions now.

Dating Casual May Be The Answer For You - After a Divorce or Breakup

If you have recently gotten out of relationship that ended badly you may want to think about casual dating for the time being. Relationships can start out exciting and full of fun but as the months and years roll on it can get harder and harder to maintain the good stuff because all the little things creep in and start to bug the crap out of you.

When a relationship ends there has to be some grieving time before you make a plan and start over. You should wait for at least 6 months to a year before venturing back into the dating pool. There are millions of fish in the sea and your "perfect catch" is out there waiting for you.

Use the time you spend by yourself to figure some things out like, what is your part in the break ups you have had? If you can figure this out and find a way to fix you then the next relationship you have will be better for all concerned.

Maybe you have been attracted to men who are dominant and after a while this wears on you and you end up resenting him for being controlling. This may be an insecurity factor on your part. If you always feel like you need someone to control things because you do not trust yourself to make those types of decisions.

Most men like a woman who is strong and confident, but not too confident. They want a woman who is as good in the bedroom as she is in the boardroom. Men also like to be the center of attention, especially when out on a date. They like to have your full attention, not someone who is talking to everyone but him.

Do not bring any drama into his life either, if you have a parent who is overbearing and wants to know, now that your dating, when you will give her some grandchildren, do not tell him this. He will run away screaming.

If, after the first few dates, the two of you decide to be exclusive he will probably pick going out with you instead of spending time with his buddies. This is only temporary, do not expect it to last. At some point the tables will turn and you will find that he needs his time away from you so he can bond with "the boys".

If you fight him he will feel like you are trying to control him or you are being too possessive, either way you will not win and he will break up with you. Just take things slow and see what direction they are heading. If little things pop up that annoy you, make sure that you communicate this to him and ask him to be open and honest with you about it.

The biggest goal of dating is to find a long term relationship that lasts. The only way this can happen is of there is trust, honesty and openness. Communication is a must, if you start out keeping secrets the there really is no hope for the relationship.

Is Your Husband Lost In The Bad Economy?

If your husband was one of the many who lost their jobs in this seriously down-sized economy and seems just to be drifting with no prospects on the horizon and no motivation to go along with it there are things you can do besides getting angry with him.

A man who has lost his job may sometimes think that his manhood is connected with having a job. He has been raised to believe that having a job is paramount to taking care of his family and providing the things that they need on a daily basis. Without a job he feels useless and could be suffering from a little depression.

Even though it is not your fault he lost his job he may start to take how he feels out on you. You can help your husband regain his motivation by being supportive and encouraging him to continue to look for work even if he has to take a lesser job at this point.

Tell the man you love not to be discouraged and that something will come along sooner or later. Be patient with him when he gets down in the dumps and thinks that he has lost your respect and admiration. Tell him repeatedly, if you have to, that he is loved and respected with or without a job.

If there is no job on the horizon, encourage him to explore other options. If he went to college and ended up working at a job he hates then sit down with him and make a list of the things he likes to do to help him see that even if he has to go back to school to learn something else, he can and probably should.

Sometimes losing something we hated to do anyway will open up the door to doing something we love to do and are passionate about, even if it does not pay the same. Wouldn't you rather have a husband who is happy and fulfilled at what he is doing than having him come home in a rotten mood everyday from a job that he hates? I know I would.

With the economy the way it is and no significant improvement in sight, many people have returned to school to either further their education or change careers altogether. There are programs out there that will help with paying for additional schooling.

Ask him if it would be alright for you to call the local community college and set up an appointment to talk to a school counselor to figure out what options are out there. Maybe he followed his father's path into business when what he really wanted to do was landscaping.

Now is the perfect time to go to school and learn all he can about landscaping. Then maybe he could start his own successful business and not have to worry about working for someone else ever again.

Your husband is important to you so instead of ragging at him to find a new job, encourage him to follow his heart and do something he really wants to do. Sometimes we men lose our self-respect when we can't provide for our families, this also an added to the pressure's of  life and it hurts even more - when our wife's don't give us  that support we need to get back out there ...And fight! I hope this makes sense.

Final thought: 
The truth of the matter is can you "Back-Your-Man" even when the chips are down? What if the shoe was on the other foot; Wouldn't you want the same from him - "For-Better or Worst" that was the deal!!!

Why Are Older Women Dating Younger Men?

There are a lot of unwritten rules about what's socially acceptable and what isn't. One of those rules dictates how close in age a dating couple should be, and gender also has a part in that rule. Most people don't bat an eyelid if an older man dates someone much younger, but why are older women dating younger men seems to put those same people in a state of shock.

Why it's okay for one arrangement and not the other is the source of much debate. Perhaps it has something to do with the perception of power; maybe a younger woman is looking for the security that an older man can provide (after all, men do take longer to mature); or maybe it's because that's just the way it's always been.

The reason for bringing this up is that older women dating younger men will often run into funny looks and hushed comments when they are out on a date. That shouldn't stop you from dating someone that you care about, but it is good to be aware that such a reaction can and does happen.

Does any of that matter if the man is younger than the woman? In a perfect world it wouldn't cause any problems and people would only judge the relationship on how much the two people cared about each other. But the reality is that the larger the age discrepancy, the more stares and whispers you will receive.

Nothing says that you have to let it bother you, and you really shouldn't. However, if you have a thin skin it's a good idea to have a few comebacks ready to go for when somebody butts into your business.

That covers the societal implications, but there are also practical things to consider. The larger the age gap, the trickier it may be to find common interests. For example, the older woman may really like to go out dancing to rock and roll, whereas the younger guy may prefer sitting home playing video games, or vice-versa. You may have to make some compromises along the way, and that's okay. The key is to be realistic about finding things to do together. You should both be having a good time, so plan accordingly.

If there is a large age difference then you may be more captivated by the novelty than anything else. That doesn't mean you don't have feelings for each other, but you need to be ready to handle the situation once the novelty is gone.

Another problem that increases as the age gap widens is having a common frame of reference. What that means is that even though you may share some interests, you both may look at them completely differently. This can work for or against older women dating younger men, but it doesn't have to be a major issue if you understand what's going on. Besides, love doesn't discriminate so age is only a problem if you make it one.

How Can A Senior Meet A New Love

Statistics show that the population is getting older and older. However, people aren't aging the way they used to. It wasn't all that long ago that people would retire and make their way to the old folk's home; in other words, they acted old. Today's seniors are healthier and more active than ever, and that includes their romantic lives as well. The question of how can a senior meet a new love is more common than ever.

If you are interested in this topic, then chances are that you have had some life changes that caused you to lose a partner. It can be difficult to date when the memory of them is so strong. Therefore, one of the first steps to meeting a new love is to give yourself permission to do so and to let go of any guilt you are feeling about it. You can move on with your life without forgetting about your previous partner.

It often seems as though the single's scene is the realm of the young. Sure, you can always go out to the dance clubs late at night and hope to meet the new love of your life, but luckily that's not the only option.

So, where do you meet somebody? A good place to start is the places you already go. After all, that's where you're most likely to meet somebody with similar interests. For example, if you like to go bowling, then pay attention to the other bowlers to see if you'd like to get to know any of them better. You don't have to make a big deal out of it, just strike up a conversation and see where it leads.

Volunteering is a great way to meet new people. You already know that fellow volunteers have their heart in the right place and there is already a built-in connection. What could be better than being with someone who is willing to help people, is generous and has a good outlook on life?

The question of how can a senior meet a new love also has a more technological answer. What we are talking about is the world of online dating. Now, all of us have heard horror stories about online dating, but you don't have to worry if you take a few very basic precautions. Just remember that the people online are strangers, so keep that in mind as you're interacting with them.

However, most of the people using online dating sites are just like you; they are looking for companionship. Who knows, maybe they have the exact same concerns about you! Regardless, online dating is an increasingly popular way of meeting a new partner and opens up a whole new world of possibilities for you.

As you can see, the question of how can a senior meet a new love has several answers. You can choose from any or all of these methods and more. However, you need to take the first step toward your happiness by actually doing something to make it happen.

5 Signs That Tells You Your Marriage Is In Trouble

A lot of people rush into marriage at a young age when they feel they are madly in love. The problem with this is that as they age and mature, their personality may change and they might end up not being as in love as they thought. Or worse, the person they fell in love with may not turn out to be the person they expected.

The fact that so many people rush into marriage is also why so many people rush into divorce. It is said that the divorce rate in America is upwards of 50-60%. Such a high divorce rate is simply because people do not take their marriage seriously from the start.

Divorce is not always the option, as a lot of marriages can be saved if both parties are willing to put in the effort. But how do you determine whether or not your marriage in trouble? There are five signs that your marriage may not be as good as it should be.

1. Detached. If either you or your spouse seem emotionally detached from the relationship. If they simply do not seem to care about what goes on in the marriage and show no intention to help fix it or keep it running. A marriage should be between two people who care about one another and want to work with each other. If one party simply does not care anymore, that is a bad thing.

2. More bad then good. Every marriage has it's problems and there are always bad days. The problem comes in when there are more bad days then good days. A happy marriage should have their bad days few and far between. If you are finding these bad days sprouting up all over the place, that is a sign your marriage in trouble.

3. Every conversation ends in a fight. You are two different people with different tastes, arguments and fights are to be expected. Even the best of friends will have their fights. But if you find yourselves fighting all the time over the pettiest reasons, this is because you are unhappy with your current situation.

4. Not spending intimate time together. Another sign for determining whether your marriage in trouble or not is how much time you spend together. You should enjoy spending time together and if you find it to be a chore to do so, then your marriage is in trouble. Hitting a slump is one thing, sometimes we simply do not feel like being around others. But if it persists and you consistently avoid intimate time together, this is a warning sign.

5. Abusive household. If you or your spouse is abusive then this is a big glaring red sign that your marriage is in trouble. Abuse does not have to be physical, which is why a lot of couples stay together despite there being abuse. Abuse can take shape in a variety of forms, one being physical. However verbal abuse can be just as hurtful as physical abuse and should not be tolerated.

Playing Marriage Games

Any relationship can take a lot of work to make it successful. Relationships are not something you can just let sit idle and expect them to work right. If you do not put in the time and effort, it will fall through. This can be made even more difficult when dealing with a long distance marriage.

Long distance marriages can require even more work than normal relationships as you and your spouse are separate from one another. These types of relationships can put a lot of strain on your marriage which can make them difficult to deal with. This is why it is important to find ways to make them work, from simple communication to playing marriage games to keep yourselves happy.

However even with that you may be left wondering what exactly you can do to make it work. You still love each other despite the distance, so you do not want to let that come between you. To this end there are few tips you can follow that can help you overcome this distance hurdle.

1. Establish a clear line of communication. Communication is the single most important part of any relationship, including marriage. So finding a means to communicate over the long distance is imperative. It can be in any number of ways, from simple phone calls, to letters, to emails, to webcams, to VOIP. Using a variety of these methods can also be employed to get the most out of your talks.

2. Try to meet up. Nothing beats meeting face to face so you should try to meet up whenever possible. Some things simply can not be done adequately over the phone or via letters, marriage games and other activities are best done in person so you can enjoy each others company. Even if it is only for a short time, meeting up every now and then can make all the difference.

3. Create a hobby. Having a hobby the two of you can share is a great way to bring you together despite the distance as well as give you something to do or talk about. Typically it is best to find something you can do over the internet, as it is often readily available and offers a wide variety of activities. But do not toss out conventional hobbies as they are still an option as well.

4. Surprise. Routines can get dull no matter what, especially in a long distance marriage. So finding ways to surprise your spouse can be a great way to add a little spice to your love life. It can be something like a gift or unexpected letter. If you are feeling especially grand you can even go so far as taking a surprise trip to meet up with them.

5. Share moments. We all experience moments in life that we would like to share with our loved ones. Just because they are not there with you does not mean you can not share them. You can share videos and pictures of special moments as marriage games and make it a fun activity that can connect the two of you.