How to Save a Marriage or Relationship From Catastrophe...

We all want healthy relationships, but how do we go about finding the right person so that we can have a great relationship? Well, to tell you the truth, it might be easier to tell you what not to do, than what to do if you want a great loving relationship. Of course, we want all the relationships we enter into to be healthy, not just the romantic ones. We want good relationships with friends, families, children, siblings, etc, but for the purpose of this article I'm going to concentrate on the romantic variety of relationships (though much of this advice will work for other types of relationships too), People make a lot of mistakes on their quest for love. They overlook very obvious signs of trouble in the beginning. Its' much easier to end a relationship when you start to see signs that the person you're involved with isn't really right for you, early in the relationship. The further the relationship progresses, and the deeper the feelings become, the harder it is...

I know you've heard it so often that it probably sounds like a cliche, but effective communication in relationships is the number 1 way to make sure that your good relationship stays good. It's not just about being able to talk about your problems, it's also about being able to share your hopes, dreams and goals and letting the other person know how much you care. It never ceases to amaze me when people are on the phone with their spouse how they'll end the conversation with a casual 'love you too'. I'm not saying that's bad, but I am saying that this 'habit' is just one example of how we think that we're telling our partner how we feel when we're really not. It's way too easy to say what you're expected to say with no real meaning behind the words. We all do it. That is at the basis for poor communication skills in a relationship. If I asked one hundred people if they talk to their spouse as openly and candidly as they do the...

Regaining trust in a relationship is going to be an uphill climb. I'm not saying that it can't be done, I'm just saying that you better be willing to put in some serious time and effort if that's what you want. If you're not, you might as well walk away right now and save both of you a lot of extra pain. Of course, there are many reasons trust can be lost. Sometimes it's fairly 'small' like when your spouse belittles you in front of others. Other times it can be even worse such as in the case of infidelity. This can be virtually impossible to overcome. If you're willing to try, step one is to figure out what you did to break the trust in the first place. Obviously, if it was infidelity that will be pretty clear. But if it was something a little less extreme like ridiculing your partner or making fun of them all the time, it might take some digging to figure out why you felt the need to hurt the one person you're supposed to love above everyon...

If you're to the point that you're asking how you can save your marriage, I'm sorry. I know how painful this type of situation can be. I also know that it may not be too late and it's often not as hard as you may think to revive a dying relationship. It's not rocket science, actually if you can remove the emotion (I know, easier said than done) then it's much easier in a lot of cases than you may realize. Just remember that pretty much everyone wants the same basic things from a marriage: companionship, love and respect. How we go about asking for those things, or showing those things, can vary from culture to culture and among genders, but that's pretty much it. Most of the time when a marriage is falling apart it's because one or both of the spouses don't feel like their needs are being met. We often boil marriage troubles down to sex, but sex is really only a 'by product' of the basic need to feel loved. So, step one to pull your mar...

From the desk of: Terry Clark I got this email from one of my readers, who will remain nameless; because I respect their privacy. I just wanted to share with you what he wrote and the experience he had in his own relationship - "Sometimes We're Just In the Wrong Relationship With The Wrong Person"     Like a lot of people, I'm in my second marriage. The first one (I married the same person twice... duh) ended in divorce. When people said they were sorry about the divorce I couldn't help but think "don't be sorry, it's long overdue". The marriage was not good. This time, though, I made a much better choice with my spouse, and this time I'm happy to say that this is one of the most successful relationships I've ever had. People wonder how they can have a successful relationship. There are all kinds of doctors and writers who are more than willing to share the 'secrets' to having good relationships, if you buy their books. I...

Building trust in a relationship can take time, it can take even more time rebuilding that trust a second time. I mean, come on, face facts, the first time around you give someone a really big benefit of the doubt. If they make a promise to you it takes a real leap of faith to let yourself open up and trust them, but if they break that trust, it can be almost impossible to do it again. The reason for that is simple: they've already proven through their words or actions that they can't be trusted. The first time around you had no way of knowing one way or the other, but now you do. Now you know that they can't be trusted, why in the world would you set yourself up for that kind of hurt and pain again? That is why it's so difficult to overcome any kind of cheating in a relationship. You know the old saying: "fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me", that's the whole point. Few people would take such a big risk of being hurt by letting someon...

If you really want to know how to save your marriage, you need to figure out what the heck being married is all about. Being married is not about remaining independent and doing things only for yourself. It is about sharing everything in your life with that one special person you chose to spend your life with. Too often people get married and then immediately start to think they are in trouble or feel trapped and do not know how to handle these feelings. Then they start to feel guilty because they are having these feelings and mistakenly assume that when you get married you should automatically know how to be married. If you think about it that is just the silliest thing you could do. Question: Did you know how to ride that bike before someone taught you? How about walking and talking? You had to learn that too right? So, what makes you think that you know how to be married? Who taught you how? Oh sure, your parents can be a role model for you but if their relationship wasn't...

Where do you turn when you need relationship problem advice? Well, there are several options available to you. You can do some research on the internet to find what you need to know or you can read a book. If you do not find what you need there, you can find someone to talk to. There are therapists out there who specialize in relationships and the problems that can go along with them. Usually though, before any of the above takes place people who find themselves with a relationship problem advice comes from friends and family. As misguided as this may be it is a step taken by a lot of people. When things start to go bad you tend to look to anyone and everyone for help and people you trust top that list. Take the advice you get from friends and family with a grain of salt though, every situation is different and your situation is no exception. Advice you get from friends and family may not work for your situation and could confuse things even further. What you need at a time like ...

What are some ways to save a marriage? If your relationship has gotten totally out of control, the first thing to do is regain that control. The only way you will be able to make the relationship work is if everything stays calm, cool, and collected. Keeping your heads in times of difficulty is key to keeping the lines of communication open. As soon as communication breaks down then everything is lost and you will pay dearly to get it back. The first thing you need to do is figure out what the heck is going on. As soon as you do that then you can figure out how to fix it. What do the two of you fight about all the time? Money? Money is the number one reason people fight and marriages end. When you first meet and are falling in love, everything is wonderful. It seems as if the two of you were made for each other and you decide to get married. After the wedding you try to combine your lives into one and unless you both learn to compromise, this is where resentments and misunderstandi...

Wow, nothing is worse than being in a marriage that is falling apart right in front of you and knowing that your partner isn't going to try to work with you to fix things.  It's not easy to save your marriage alone, but is it possible if you are willing to put in all the work? The answer to that question is: maybe. The really important thing you have to keep in mind is that sometimes we get so focused in on one goal that we never stop to ask ourselves if the goal is worthwhile. This happens all the time in marriages. One or the other feels the marriage falling apart and they decide they have to save it at all costs. They get so focused on that outcome that they never really stop to ask themselves if they should save it. It might be difficult to hear, and many religions don't say it, but not all marriages should be saved. Sometimes there are simply too many problems to overcome. This is especially true if one partner has a problem. Just look at the recent spate of celebr...

Are you asking the question: how to save my marriage?  In many cases the longer the problems are allowed to grow, the resentment and anger are allowed to build up, the harder it can be to pull your relationship back from the brink. It can be difficult, but it's not impossible. There are several things you'll need to have in place if you want your marriage to work and the first one is a burning desire to make it work. And it's not enough for just one of you to have that, you both need to have it.  If one or the other of you is indifferent, or worse, doesn't want to, save the marriage, there really isn't much that can  be done. A marriage is a partnership, if you both aren't working together it's not going to work. So step one to answer the question: how to save my marriage is to make sure you are both willing to put in the time and effort. Step two is finding the exact issues that are plaguing you and finding solutions to them. It's easy to think that...

What questions are the most common marriage counseling questions your therapist will ask you during your sessions? Probably the most important question you will be asked is, "Why are you here?" Now , you might think to yourself that the answer to this question is a big, "DUH!" But, the therapist cannot hear you think and needs to find out exactly why you have come to see them to formulate a plan to help the two of you specific to your issues. Problems can rear their ugly heads at any time during a relationship and sometimes can cause such stress and strife that you just have no clue as to how to handle them. These are the times when a counselor can be helpful. Instead of thinking that the relationship is over it is best to get another opinion and try to save the marriage. Once the issues are out in the open, your therapist will ask more marriage counseling questions like, "Which issue do you think you need to start working on first to help save the marriage...

As hard as it is to understand, couples still play games with each other after they're married. To be blunt, this game playing is hazardous to the health of the marriage relationship and should be avoided at all costs. There simply is no place for it in a happy marriage. Aha! Maybe that's the point. If you or your spouse are always playing games, then it could be taken as a sign that your marriage isn't as happy as it could be. Or, perhaps the situation is worse and your marriage is in real trouble. Even if it is humming along nicely, the very fact that mind games are being played means there is room for improvement. Of course we are talking about mind games up to this point. This may be referred to as manipulation, deceit, laying guilt trips or otherwise being dishonest about what's really going on. however, there are other types of marriage games that you can play. What we are talking about here are more purposeful games that both of you play together. There isn...

Perhaps it's a sad commentary on our society that the legal requirements for marriage are relatively simple. The main things the law wants to be assured of is that both parties are old enough, not related and that they pay to file the marriage license. Let's face it, that's a pretty low bar to get over. This lack of more marriage requirements must also be one of the root causes for the high divorce rate in this country. But as you will see, that doesn't have to be the case. Those are only the legal marriage requirements though. Virtually any couple that wants to get married can do so. It's easy; maybe too easy. However, the other prerequisites are much more meaningful and have a bigger impact on how happy a couple will be. What these requirements all basically boil down to are compatibility. But what about the concept of "opposites attract"? The truth is that it is more of a romantic notion than true reality. Study after study has shown that even if op...

Marriage is meant to be a wonderful thing, and it usually is at the beginning. But the honeymoon phase doesn't last forever. It's at this stage that most couples start noticing little problems that they had never noticed before. Perhaps they head over to the relationship section of the bookstore looking for books on marriage. They may feel somewhat embarrassed, but at least they are doing something. On the other hand, some people will choose to pretend none of these things are happening, or they will ignore them in the hopes they will go away on their own; the last thing they want to do is confront their spouse. That's one of the great things about books on marriage. They can help you to make your marriage better, but you can also read them privately. This means you can do things to improve your situation without necessarily having to confront your spouse. Okay, that's all well and good, but at some point you are going to have to discuss your problems. Again, marr...

If you have a perfect marriage and there is absolutely nothing that would make it better, then this article isn't for you. On the other hand, if you are a normal couple that sees room for improvement in you relationship then read on. What we are talking about is marriage retreats. These may be just what you need to have an even better marriage than you have now, regardless of what shape it's currently in. Just what are these marriage retreats? They are basically a weekend or week away from home, where you spend time with other couples and relationship experts to work towards a better marriage. There will normally be some structured time along with periods of free time where you can reconnect with one another in a more personal setting. One of the things that makes a marriage retreat so different is that it is held outside of your home. This location helps you to focus on the things you need to focus on. You are too entrenched in your daily routine when you are at home. Life...

One of the happiest moments in life is the day you get married. At some point though, reality sets in. You still love each other, but you have to admit that you would like to get along better. Don't worry, what you're going through is perfectly normal. However, if you feel things are getting worse, or would simply like to recapture some of those original feelings you had for each other, then marriage seminars may be just the thing you need. If you are not familiar with the concept of a marriage seminar, it is basically where experts share their advice and expertise on the subject of marriage. This may be one expert or several, and the seminar may last for one evening or run for the course of several days. Generally speaking, most marriage seminars will last for a weekend, but if that's too long for you, you can either go for one day out of that weekend, or search for shorter seminars. Many seminars are based around religion, so be sure you know the angle of the seminar be...

If you find that your relationship with your spouse is in a lot of trouble, you have probably asked yourself "can this marriage be saved?" No matter how bad it may seem, the answer is that it most likely can be saved. Even though the divorce rate is far too high, virtually every marriage can be salvaged, as long as the couple is willing to do whatever it takes. However, there may be some marriages that are not worth saving, at least not in their current state. If you are in a marriage that is mentally or physically abusive, then asking if it can be saved is not the right question. Then you need to ask if you can be saved from the relationship. It's not easy, but it is critical that you get out. Perhaps your spouse will change, but you need to make sure, and see solid proof before you give them a second chance. Luckily, such exceptions make up only a small fraction of all marriages. So, back to the question of whether or not your marriage can be saved. Well, it can onl...

If you read magazines or surf the internet, then you have probably seen a marriage quiz or two. They promise to tell you about the health of your marriage or how to improve it, and all you have to do is answer a handful of questions. But the real question whether or not such quizzes can have any kind of real impact on your relationship. When it comes down to it, it's better to have more information about your marriage than less, yet you should remain cautious when you look at the results of any marriage quiz you take. There is no doubt that these types of quizzes are popular. That's why they seem to turn up as often as they do; the people who publish them know they will attract more people to their magazine or website. And it's no wonder when you consider that no marriage is perfect, which makes for a compelling reason for people to take such quizzes. While marriage quizzes may be fun to take, there are times when they may do more harm than good. The problem is brief or...

Most people would count their wedding day as one of the happiest days in their lives. Marriage is often defined as "two people taking a voluntary vow to remain together for life". That's a fair definition of marriage, but it isn't going to do much for keeping you happy. So, that leads to the question of what marriage really means. Perhaps the better solution is to define what marriage means to you. Then ask your spouse (or soon to be spouse) what their definition is as well. This will give each of you a better idea of what the relationship is all about. It can also give you interesting insights into what your partner thinks about being married, and lead to a meaningful conversation about the subject. It is often said that 50% of marriages in America end in divorce. The truth is that that statistic is questionable at best, but even if the real number is closer to 30% it means the odds of splitting up are far too high. That doesn't mean a divorce is in your futu...