Apr 7, 2018

Three Signs to Let Go and Move On

Ending a relationship triggers numerous emotions which means making the right decision requires some assurances. Seeing the reasons takes a critical eye and an iron will to act upon them. The signs fall into three main categories. Let's look at the reasons along with the subcategories under them.

Loss of Meaning:

Relationships require support beyond simple things like pleasure or companionship. Shallower items may prop up a failing couple early in the run. Unfortunately, the weight of longer relationships require sturdier supports.

Doesn't Mean Anything Anymore: When one no longer feels valued in the relationship, they will wonder what the point of continuing is. This often sounds quite dramatic, but everyone needs to feel valued. The lack of mean eats away at the relationship slowly like a lemon left face down on a marble counter top with its slow destruction to the porous stone.

Don't Have Trust: Like meaning, the erosion of trust can be subtle at first. The trust bank requires replenishment constantly. The small investments shore up the relationship when times become hard. With exhausted trust, the relationship ends in strangulation of hurt feelings and sideways glances.

Lack of Future:

Relationships require room to grow. Couples hitting the highest levels of growth, commitment and connection may find they have no where else to go. This stagnant pool breeds mistrust. In this state, either person may feel suffocated and wonder where things are going.

History Versus Vision: A longing for better times in the past means someone is drinking from the well of nostalgia hoping things might return to the way they were. Without forward momentum, couples cease growing. A good history can contribute to a good foundation. Hanging all hope on the past proves to be a millstone dragging the relationship underwater.

All the Effort: If one person does all the work, they might want to consider just how much the relationship means to their partner. This can be a tricky thing to determine. Any discussion with a partner will likely lead to a disagreement since everyone usually thinks they are doing all they can to hold up their end of things. Careful consideration must be exercised to determine if someone is doing all they can within the relationship.

Emotional Pain:

One of the strongest indicators of relational health is emotional pain. This can be difficult to quantify as there are not good measurements for pain. Medical professionals have a scale of one to ten. Often, matters of the heart can feel like a ten when a couple goes through them, but the intensity can lessen with the passage of time.

Being Alone is Better: Making the choice to be on one's own rather than with a partner points to the location of a person's heart. It might be a situation where peace is found in the stillness. An important thing to remember centers around the individual's natural style of interaction. Introverts might prefer to be alone even in the best relationship. Being aware is critical.

Hurts to Be with Them: A sensation of pain from a dull sense of dread to a stabbing pain in the chest can be physical signs of an emotional pain. Expressions of emotional pain, especially very intense ones, prove difficult for most people to share. Many suffer in silence. A few lash out in response to the pain. Ultimately, these are not the correct responses.

Deep reasons run throughout relationships giving clear indications as to the overall health of the pairing. By being alert and responding appropriately, the relationship can end with a minimal amount of damage to either person. Loss of meaning, lack of a future and ongoing emotional pain lead to the right decision no matter how difficult it might be. Be smart, release the pain and move forward toward a healthy future.

I also like to recommend you check out "The Magic Of Making Up" - click here for more information. 

Apr 6, 2018

Reinvigorating Self Esteem Post Break Up

The emotional blow brought about by the ending of a relationship, especially one with deep roots, tends to shatter even the strongest foundations of self esteem. People begin to question why it happened, if they are worthy of love and where their true value lies. These questions force the person to stare deep within themselves for the answers. Simple responses like "time heals all wounds" or "there are other fish in the sea" never reach the darker corners causing people to wrestle with themselves in the middle of the night. Fortunately, steps can be taken to repair the damage done to the self esteem because of a break up.

Establish Your Value:

Following the end of the relationship, someone might find it challenging to see how they matter. The initial step centers around discovering where true value lies. The first pass of this step needs to be done alone. After taking time and fully considering one's value, they can then take their insights to a trusted friend or counselor. People rarely, if ever, possess a clear picture of themselves. They might discount important components of themselves, so they need an outside view.

Aspects of Values to Consider:

Values Rarely Change: It might be easier to view these as the elements making up someone's personality and character. They might mellow or intensify with stress or calm, but values almost never vanish.

Values Run in Packs: Clusters of values swirl around making up the whole person. Finding one will usually bring another to the surface.

Values Scream and Whisper: When on the search, some values will be obvious like those who place a high value on their care of others. Sneakier values duck and hide fearing their exposure might cause pain. All the values are important, even the ones not wanting to be found.

Working in the Now:

Taking time for oneself is critical following a break up. In the cauldron of the emotional turmoil, one can find the things pointing them toward a smarter, kinder and wiser version of themselves. Some important parts of this process need to be remembered.

* Patience: Everything will not be better or revealed overnight. Quick answers will not bring lasting comfort.

* Compassion: Being kind to oneself can be one of the greatest challenges because lashing inward proves easy.

* Perspective: The past is a guide and not a template for all things in the future. Learn without clinging.

Avoid Shortcuts:

Following the break up and when hurting deeply, one may struggle to salve the wounds with things to tamp down the pain. Relying on distractions, even good distractions, will prolong the time spent trying to bring the self esteem to a healthy place. Using repetitive, numbing actions only give temporary boosts or blankets to one's view of their self worth.

Self esteem is like a tree with times of flourishing and times of pruning. One can view a break up as a way to see what is truly important and where their true value lies. By focusing during this time, one will be ready for the next relationship while taking comfort in being alone. Also, a strong self esteem permits anyone to stand secure in who they are.

I also like to recommend you check out "The Magic Of Making Up" - click here for more information. 

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