Mar 9, 2018

Responding to Discouraging Family and Friends When Considering Mending Your Relationship

Returning to an ex brings a variety of responses from close family and friends. They often quickly insert their opinions, even when not been requested. One needs to proceed with caution in dealing with loved ones seeking to share their concerns and be protective. Because of the delicate nature, it become imperative to understand why they act the way they do, how one should absorb their words and actions and then how to move forward.

Why they do it?

Though hard to believe, family and friends seeking to intervene one's return to an ex have the best of intentions. Their behavior makes witnessing their kindness as with a bit of selfishness. This makes understand their motivations infinitely more important.

* Best Interests: Especially post a bad break up, they likely saw the fallout of the ending of the relationship. Factors, major like infidelity or benign like general disrespect, can cause them throw themselves into the breach, even without being asked. Keeping their love in mind will help couch their actions in the right category.

* Numerical Support: From a strictly mathematical standpoint, most couples attempting to rekindle a romance end up in the same fractured end a second, third or thirtieth time. The old standard "it would have worked out the first time if it was meant to be" can be trotted out for almost any circumstance helping them to feel they are correct.

* Painless Process: They likely believe getting back with an ex will bring about more pain and would prefer giving a new relationship a chance over a return to old ground. This can be more acute if they were involved bolstering up one after the devastation left by the end.

How to respond?

With a temptation to ignore their concern, one should avoid the easy avenue. Family and friends provide a trusted outside opinion. Tuning out their counsel because it may come across as painful or harsh cuts off an important source of information. Depending on the nature of the relationship, treading carefully, listening closely and weighing their advice may bring about a clearer picture into what occurred and could be on the horizon.

What to do?

This step tends to be the most complicated as the response may cause strife. Sometimes the anxiety happens in the gut. Other times, moving forward may estrange family and friends. The key is to minimize either response.

* Say Thanks: An act of gratitude acknowledges the care expressed by a family member or friend. They will likely feel heard if they are thanked for having the courage to share their heart with you.

* Keep Them in the Loop: This can be challenging because it means they will possess access to deeper moments. Trusting them with the ongoing story helps them see changes in one's ex and might ease future interactions.

* Make Your Own Decision: In the end, the decision being made involves two individuals. A family member or friend will understand one's desire to be happy and will want what is best in the situation. This will be easier if they have been genuinely heard and acknowledged.

Friends and family hold special places within one's life. They cannot be ignored without causing severe damage to the relationship. It is important to remember not to damage one relationship for another. Trades, such as that, never end well. Family and friends possess insight, so listen closely to them. In the end, the best thing for everyone is being loved and respected on every level.

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Mar 7, 2018

When Love Burns You, Reestablishing Trust in the Relationship

Trust can be the strongest element in a relationship. It is a barrier against the challenges presented by the outside world seeking to destroy a couple. What happens when trust is damaged? Can it be shored up or even reconstructed? The short answer is yes. The longer answer centers around the difficult process requiring honesty, open communication and diligence in forging a trusting bond. One needs to walk the hard path to get back to where they belong.

Speaking the Truth:

Trust lives in an environment of honesty. Regardless of how good or bad a relationship ended, each person needs to be truthful about everything. Honesty should not be used as a club to bend the other person to the will of the other. The past, present and future depends on being careful and using important keys to build trust.

* Accurately Address Things: Couching things or overly editing clouds the message.

* Watch How the Message Is Delivered: Tone conveys a great deal when speaking. Being too soft or stern may blunt or heighten what is being said unnecessarily.

* Always Be Kind: Remember the goal is to rebuild trust. A firm message offered with polite words allows for ongoing communication.

Allow a Response:

Initially, it can be easy to get too focused on one's role in the exchange. This is a two way street. One of the hardest things anyone may face targets the reply from the other person.

* Be Quiet: Hopefully, they listened thoughtfully to what was said. They deserve the same respect. Hearing back may require swallowing bitter aspects of one's own personality or behavior.

* Don't Defend: Everyone, especially when receiving personal information, tends to want to leap into defense mode. Trust often needs space and acceptance. If offered with similar kindness, one must avoid the urge to choke off the exchange.

* Mirror the Behavior: During the conversation, make an effort to feel how things are going and respond accordingly. A strong sense of control, which may mask hidden defensiveness, might urge one to rush things along or pull back. One can be thoughtful without hiding behind a mask.

Make Contact:

Emotional contact with one's partner fosters an environment of trust. Treading carefully at the beginning presents a greater level of comfort. Small things like eye contact and non verbal cues will help one's partner witness the importance and investment to growing trust. As with all things when building trust, moving too fast will likely shatter progress, so avoid being overly physical.

Consistency Proves Key:

Trust cannot be built in a single conversation or afternoon. Returning to a place where the relationship returns to a healthy place requires slow, steady growth. This means making time for one another, not pushing too deep or lashing out when things get hard. The level of difficulty can feel overwhelming. One needs to acknowledge and accept what these emotions without letting the damage the conversation.

As fragile as a snowflake, one must treat trust with the respect it deserves. A relationship never survives without it, so it is up to both parties to maintain trust for the life of the relationship. Trust thrives with open communication, mutual respect and consistent contact. Pour in those and watch the trust flourish.

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Mar 6, 2018

Finding the Good Side of Jealousy and Understanding Each Emotion

People tend to categorize things into binary sides of a page. Doing so means they need to expend less effort in decoding how they feel, understand the impact a decision may have or judge the response of others to their actions. This behavior exists in several areas, not the least of which is emotions. Ask people to come up with lists of good and bad feelings and the common denominators will form. On the bad side of the page, emotions like anger, covetousness and jealousy will likely be in the top three.

Understanding each emotion contains a wide range of reasons for its existence. Looking back over time, not every expression of anger proved to be negative. Even jealousy provides positives aspects within a relationship. One needs to be open to the exploration of what they feel to see how jealousy can be channeled in a beneficial direction. Let's see three up sides of jealousy.

Jealousy as a Fence:

Being attuned to the indications of jealous demonstrates healthy boundaries within a particular relationship. Couples with open communication are able to share what they need, how a partner or their own jealousy makes them feel and potential damage caused by manifestations of jealousy. Only by talking about it can couples identify the healthy boundaries of the emotion. Without discussion, jealousy morphs into an insidious beast tearing at the tender parts of a relationship.

Jealousy as a Carrot:

Everyone requires motivation. Sometimes the carrot leading the to the reward can be positive to reinforce a behavior. However, people are equally motivated by unproductive behaviors. Jealousy can bring about change for the better. How is this possible? Consider the following:

* Caring Expressions: Jealousy, though charged with underlying passion, may cause partners to be too rough. Seeing the fallout will motivate tempered expressions of love.

* Fiery Attention: Cultivating deep care keeps the molten aspects of jealousy from burning a partner. A challenge arises when only the raw jealousy comes out.

* Witnessing an Alternate View: Jealousy is triggered by a party outside the relationship. This allows for a fresh perspective and reminder of the things drawing one to their partner to begin with.

Jealousy as a Compass Needle:

A famous quotes regarding clarity center around the simplicity needed as a foundation. Almost nothing distills an idea into its simplest form like white hot emotions like jealousy. Couples can see what really matters when one or both of them succumb to the power of their jealousy. Once they know the direction they need to travel, they can set the destructive aspects of jealousy aside preventing it from poisoning the relationship beyond repair.

All emotions, whether traditionally lauded or vilified, possess the potential to help and hurt relationships. Communications in all areas presents the ideal foil to deflate the damage presented by rampant jealousy. Partners must balance what they feel against the truth presented by their existing relationship. They can utilize the boundaries, motivations and directions offered by jealousy. Success only comes to fruition when couples grow together with an awareness toward their own shortcomings without being crippled by them.

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