Nov 11, 2017

Ways to Communicate Love

Sharing an intense feeling, such as love, requires several things. This comes as a surprise to most people because the idea of communicating their affection for someone revolves around lessons learned during awkward teenage years while referring to romantic comedies for all the best upgrades. Unfortunately, these are not time tested or honored methods for presenting one's true feelings. Paying attention to a few things, doing them well and utilizing targeted approaches grant a window into the impact of love on an individual's life.

General Guides

While anytime should be right eliciting passion, a heartfelt connection flourishes better under certain parameters. People need to cultivate the setting and this means being aware of the basics.

The Right Time: Though a tricky concept, selecting the right time with a matching location aids in good communication. A noisy restaurant or bar during a busy time when shouting is necessary to be heard creates an unnecessary struggle. Also, be aware of what time of year, week or day works best. Stressed CPAs might find a deep discussion difficult to maintain during the first half of the month of April.

Look in the Eyes: Face to face communication allows subtle nuances to be read by the other person. Reading an expression and a look held in someone's eyes is nearly impossible in any other situation, including the much vaunted video chat.

Check Everything Else: Body language says a great deal about what someone communicates without a singe word being uttered. Making sure positioning and posture demonstrates openness proves vital to the entire process. Hearing someone loves you while their arms are crossed and wearing a frown might be harder to accept.

Circle Back: Make sure the event does not occur once. Everyone, even the most socially uncomfortable individuals, needs this message presented multiple times. Most couple err on the side of not saying it enough. It is equally important to avoid the troubling trap of making it a routine. Hearing the rote "I love you" tossed off at five in the afternoon everyday might cause the hearer to wonder if the words become a habit rather than a genuine feeling.

Tailoring the Message

Every person is unique. Therefore, professions of love should be presented in ways meeting their specific needs. It is also important because what one person wants might not match their partner. Find out what the person enjoys and responds to and adjust actions accordingly. Here are a few options.

* Contact: Holding hands, rubbing someone's shoulders or a kiss breaks the boundaries of personal space while showing how intimate and honest a partner's feelings are.

* Eye Contact: Many conversations happen over a shoulder or with a screen blocking the connection. Drop the device and look them in the eye when sharing deep emotions.

* Spending Time: Clearing aside a day or night to spend with someone special demonstrates the level of priority they possess within one's life because nothing else is ahead of them.

* Compliments: Often people do not hear how special they truly are. Being specific and sincere amps up the power of affection because the receiver knows they have been seen and valued.

* Write It: Committing to a sentiment in writing infuses the expression with the sharer's personal voice and provides a permanent record of what is shared. This allows the receiver to return to the message of affection repeatedly.

Communicating deep feelings for another person taps into some of the very things connecting people. Their impact cannot be minimized. Also, sharing these things values the person in ways no other aspect of their lives can ever touch. All it takes is time and sincere expressions of how much they mean. So say it.

Nov 10, 2017

Apologize with Impact

Everyone makes mistakes in a relationship. It is easy to allay blame for aspects of a disagreement or misunderstanding. The greatest challenge facing many relationships is not how they weather the rough waters, but how they navigate into the harbor of forgiveness. Apologies make continuation possible and knowing how to apologize allows relationships, even troubled ones, to grow into sweeter and more rewarding endeavors.

The Structure

Thinking two words will encapsulate the entire need for resolution dilutes damage done by wronging someone. Partners must feel valued, heard and understood. The traditional apology only brings restoration of a relationship one step closer. It does not exist on an island. Let's look at the steps in apologizing.

1. "I'm sorry" - These words must be said because they get the ball rolling. Traditionally, even the smallest children who have to apologize know it starts with saying they are sorry. This opens the door to discussion of what happened and what is to come next.

2. "I know this is how I hurt you" - Though it may seem like a small thing, acknowledging the hurt caused by one's actions demonstrates an understanding of the partner, their feelings and the individual's active role in wronging them. The harmed party will will also have a chance for clarification. Listening during this step proves important.

3. "I will strive not to wrong you this way again" - A since offer to change gives a tangible next step. While it will be a challenge, the offering shows the hurt person the seriousness of the action.

4. "I'm going to make this right by" - Everyone harmed by someone wants to feel as though they are valued. Willingness to emotionally compensate them builds on the foundation established in the prior steps. An authentic and meaningful offer must be made. This not a bribe or a quick way to resolve the situation.

5. "Will you please forgive me" - Asking for forgiveness is the final step because it places the ball into the court of the person who was harmed. This can be scary. What if they decide not to grant forgiveness? This is part of the risk of being in a relationship. The other person must decide how things will proceed.

While each step builds on each other, the conversation must move slowly. Rushing any of them could prolong the disagreement, bring about similar fights or shatter the relationship by individuals not feeling valued or heard. Taking the time, though hard, will be rewarded.

Being Real

The steps provide a good framework, but they are not a magical formula. Each step of the apology must possess a critical component, authenticity. No apology, no matter how longed for, will never restore a relationship if it is not performed from a place of honesty. The person apologizing must be sincere from saying they are sorry to asking for forgiveness. An apology or section of an apology may proceed without sincerity, but it will never forge a pact between those involved.

An apology is an agreement. An agreement about how important partners are to each other, how a single wrong cannot destroy their bond and how going forward they will seek to treat each other better than before. These are hard agreements to fulfill. This is why being able to accept one's role in the relationship and admitting when they have fallen short brings people closer. So it is always worth the effort.

Nov 9, 2017

Facing an Ex Encounter

Bumping into an ex stirs a variety of emotions, so knowing the right way to proceed may appear to be like unlocking the programming of a super computer. The good news is most of the ways to respond means a person escapes unscathed. In several situations, the experience provides beneficial insight into the individual, the past relationship and growth moving forward.

General Facts

Knowing a few things about the encounter will permit a deeper understanding before acting. Often the urge to respond races ahead of reasoning, so recalling the basics can be a great practice in settling into a calmer state of mind.

* They were caught off guard too: Though easy to take a myopic view, understanding everything being felt by one party is, most likely, being felt by the other as well.

* Accept the situation: Acknowledging the fact the event happened can minimize the pressure.

* Keep it simple: A short conversation benefits everyone because there is not time for awkwardness in what is said or the silence.

Pitfalls and Problems

Running into an ex, by its very nature, is a social landmine ready to explode taking self esteem, existing friendships and current romantic relationships with it. The key to avoiding the pitfalls is to know they are there and step around them. For this to happen, a person needs a high level of emotional maturity and strength.

* The temptation to avoid them will occur early, but moving into the encounter directly will prevent the appearance of an emotional attachment.

* Speaking from a place of honesty about what is happening in one's life demonstrates the healthy place one lives while resisting the urge to downplay or oversell anything.

* Unless coming from the gym, paying attention to appearance shows the lack of a shattered life. This proves more important when attending an event with a high likelihood of running into one's ex.

* Manage the conversation by not promising future plans and end the exchange at a natural stopping point without lingering.

* Try to act as naturally as possible and not be overly odd, even if the ex found it charming, because this never begins as a "win them back" scenario.

* Regardless of the assessment or outcome, release the encounter as soon as possible or it might become an anchor dredging up the past.

Benefits of Bumping into an Ex

If asked, most people would struggle to find anything positive from an unexpected meeting with an ex. It is easy to see things from a negative viewpoint. However, numerous things doe surface following such an encounter. They may receive confirmation the decision proved to be the correct one, rekindle fond memories of a time of their life with other events they suppressed or be encouraged to visit a location they have avoided since the end of the relationship. These can all be seen as road markers on the destination to emotional maturity meaning a better chance for future relationships.

Though not the first thing people think of when leaving a relationship, everyone should be ready when an ex walks back into their life. There are many fish in the sea, but they are all swimming in the same sea. Accepting and taking control of their half of the exchange means no one must be crippled by the "former" part of a former relationship.

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Nov 8, 2017

Rolling with Relational Changes

If asked, couples would say they prefer not to struggle with the ups and downs necessitated by life. Life, frozen in time, proves to be no kind of life worth living. With that said, the prospect of dealing with changes in a relationship stirs fear. Even the strongest couples find stopping any pending change impossible, but they can weather it while flourishing.

Attitude Makes a Difference

Being aware of the inevitable nature of change can be the first step in accepting its impact. A couple possessing a healthy attitude about life's variances will stand united against all the things threatening to tear them apart. Most people believe a positive outlook provides nothing to the outcome. However, studies show those believing they will will come out the other side whole when going into a difficult situation have a greater likelihood of succeeding.

Working Together

Supporting one another gives couples another advantage as change buffets them. By being a team, no one feels as though they must bear the weight of the relationship on their own. Times will exist when one partner may need to provide greater support and this balances swings from one to the other. The good news is they are a pair when times get tough and remind each other how far they have traveled together.

Step into the Change

Confidently moving with any changes offers challenges most couples prefer to deflect. Change possesses the tendency to revel shortcomings in one's skill. These weaknesses arrive at the most inopportune times. They point to areas requiring work in defining areas like listening, communicating and working together.

Professional Guidance

The prospect of facing changes, even as a solid unit, can be overwhelming. Under these circumstances, couples with an ally in the form of a trained counselor achieve a greater chance for success. A third party offers objectivity to see the relationship along with the transitions it passes through accurately. Being too close to their own point of view and events surrounding them tends to prevent the couple from seeing what is happening. An outside viewpoint might encourage the couple to press forward.

Stages of Change

Seeing how people and couples enter, address and rest in change may assist in moving through the stages. Transitioning into and out of change is insufficient. People need to understand and embrace the full process.

* Contemplation: Couples become aware of an impending or currently occurring change within their relationship. It might register only as a tremor in the emotional landscape, but it brings the realization to their attention.

* Preparation: After the contemplation stage, couples will make shifts in their life getting ready for a change. This might include packing keepsakes, reviewing travel sites or even researching what would be needed to change their insurance.

* Action; This step amplifies everyone's attention causing them to bypass the initial stages. Whether couples realize it or not, they go through the early stages too quickly and are ill prepared for the action phase. However, they are able to act as a team due to their planning and prep.

* Maintenance: Assessing the events following the action step permits the couple to sustain a positive outlook while addressing the unexpected bumps. This puts them on the correct path for the next change coming down the relational highway.

With the inevitability of change, couples need to view the situation as an opportunity to grow closer and avoid seeing it as a hurdle attempting to trip up their future happiness. They will weather the storm by addressing things together and standing united. A growing relationship relishes the chance to change and everyone wants a thriving relationship.

Nov 7, 2017

Critical Concerns for Opening Dates

Several comedians state most of the early dates occur between a couple's representatives. While a humorous assessment, this should not be a stealth operation to pose as something other than oneself. People need to be aware of possible pitfalls to avoid accidentally hurting the other person's feelings and hampering a future relationship with a potential partner. Taking basics into account may ease things in the right direction.


Restaurants can be tricky for initial meetings. Individual tastes and atmosphere create either a lovely setting or a maelstrom. As a rule, select a quiet and reputable location with a wide variety of dining options. It is also wise to ask questions of the person's tastes and food allergies.

Outdoor settings can be excellent for spring, early summer and fall dates. Some cities or towns have gatherings of food trucks, art fairs and concerts. The casual nature of these events permits couples to pick and chose activities, find an out of the way place for a conversation and keep moving when things slow down.


Making a plan may sound overly complicated or lacking spontaneity. While over planning or falling into a familiar pattern can be a risk, many people note several positive aspects when someone takes the time to plan ahead.

* Respect for the person being wooed.
* Flexibility when things don't go as planned.
* Illustrate individual interests.
* Gives both people a chance to witness one another in a unique setting.

While on the date, one needs to permit multiple levels of conversation to occur. Such an environment disseminates more than information. Things like personal tastes, life experiences and much more flows out of discussions. More conversation always allows for the couple to secure a clearer picture of one another.

Asking questions is the greatest way to find out about a person. It sounds simple. Unfortunately, people overlook well placed questions because they might be too busy sharing what makes them special. But be careful come across as an investigative reporter. Some people, out of genuine interest, ask numerous questions without sharing about themselves leaving no impression. There needs to be a balance of give and take.

It would be easy to enter into the date as an open book willing to share anything and everything. Bear in mind, not everyone may share such a free spirit. After hearing about a particularly bad break up, they may opt out of any future dates. Politics, past relationships and family traumas are best shared later when a good foundation has been set.


A polite ending to the evening often provides an opportunity for future closeness. This does not mean offering a handshake at the door. But a passionate kiss, like those seen in romantic comedies, should be saved for later. An important thing to recall is the scant amount of information shared leading up to and during the date. Making too strong show of affection might make the individual uncomfortable in an unsuspecting way.

Early dates, thought critical, rarely provide a full picture of what comes later in a the fullness of a relationship. Going slow, taking an interests and creating a best location for sharing clear the way for future growth. Patience and respect are often rewarded with greater intimacy. So take it easy. There is plenty of time.

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Nov 6, 2017

Expressions of Love for Your Partner

Receiving love proves challenging for numerous people. In some cases, they may actively block the sentimental expression or a particular way of hearing they are loved may not resonate with them. What does that mean for the partner seeking to shower their loved one with the deep truth of how big an impact they are? Here are a few ideas, some large and others small, to capture the elusive feeling of adoration one feels for a partner.

Be Appreciative: Hearing how their gestures impact your life helps them know you are paying attention. Far too often, a multitude of kindnesses go ignore building up resentment. Even better, expressing gratitude for who they are, their impact on your life and all the ways the day is better with them emphasizes the depth of your love. Saying thank you seems small, but it pays huge dividends.

The Gift of Time: In our society, people never have time for one another. We rush from one thing to another, look to mark things off our to do list and remain connected to our electronic devices. Imagine receiving the gift of an uninterrupted evening with a loved one when all the outside demands are silenced. It demonstrates how they are the center of your life.

Make a Plan: Think about the special day when you got checked out school early for a game or movie. Or maybe you slipped out of the office early so you could hear the band you liked perform an outdoor concert. Now, take those creative muscles and plan a special day for the one you love. It can be a romantic scavenger hunt all with little nods to how special they are. Even whisking them out of the office for a picnic lunch will show you're thinking of them.

Say the Words and Say More: Don't be stingy with the "I Love Yous." We all need to hear it. A sincere "I Love You" brightens anyone's day. But don't stop there. Find new and creative ways to express the same sentiment. Maybe whispering "Te amo" in Spanish or "Je t'amie" in French can be exciting. Also, try not limiting yourself to the tried and true. Couples find their own expressions of love. Seek the right mix to capture the feelings and say it.

Use Variety: Receiving the same card, gift or words every single time deflates the expression rather than increases it. This means putting on your thinking beret and take a few extra steps.

* Gifts-Flowers, candy or little plastic dinosaurs. Pick the right thing which brings out the warm feelings.

* Notes-Feelings on paper provides a marker to the time and sentiment for your partner. Don't resist a little love poetry either.

* Touches-Hugs, foot rubs and smooches never go out of style and being close feels great for you and your partner.

* Sing-Accompanying your singing on the ukulele may capture the passion brewing in your heart for your special someone.

Deep and lasting love is eternal by definition. This means you need to be creative and excited about expressing your love because time will never run out. And nothing warms a heart like a passionate "I Love You."

Nov 5, 2017

Five Pillars of Healthy Relationships

Ask any architect, educator or psychiatric professional the basis of producing anything of quality able to stand the test of time and they will point toward a strong foundation as the initial criteria. Without a solid foundation, nothing lasts. A scary aspect of foundation building centers around keeping every portion solid. A weak spot threatens the stability of the whole and leads to eventual collapse.

People acknowledge the wisdom of a strong foundation when building a house because of the physical nature of the foundation inherent to the structure. Establishing and maintaining a base for a relationship proves much trickier because individuals bring so much into their relationships from the way they have been raised, past hurts and their own need. Focusing on five key areas simplifies things while giving couples avenues for growth throughout the life of the relationships.


Mutual respect starts the process. It places a hedge around the couple by saying they value the other person. One of the greatest barriers to respect is setting aside the temptation of focusing on what a single partner treasures. In some ways, this should come naturally. As children, people receive training at a young age to get along with others, share and give others a chance to voice their beliefs and feelings. Respect needs to exist first to clear space for other pillars.


When forming a relationship, a sensation of safety where being hurt becomes drastically reduced causes both partners to feel wrapped in a warm blanket. Is it possible to develop a healthy relationship without trust? Absolutely not. Fear flourishes where partners are unable to trust one another. Even the smallest gap in the armor weakens the structure of the relationships making forward progress practically impossible.


This aspect within relationships come in many shades. Most couples may hear the word intimacy and immediately jump to the bedroom. This is a fraction of how true intimacy forms and displays itself. Couples who have been together for decades share the most intimate things with and without physical contact. Fortunately, the best way to be so close stems from being in a healthy relationship.


Is communication important in a relationship? Every relationship, whether romantic or not, never thrives without open communication. Couples who learn to speak from their heart, accept constructive criticism and seek to build up one another discover communication becomes easier. This aspect always takes work and operates ideally within a stable relationship.


Out of a full heart, several of the other pillars can be supported. Love abounds when in a respectful, intimate, trusting and communicative environment. As a quality, love can act as the binding material drawing in and building up the other aspects of a healthy relationship.

Each of these qualities may exist alone in a relationship. Times occur when one needs to move to the foreground to address a concern. Regardless of the stage of the relationship, all five pillars need to be present if the couple intends to be close for a lifetime. Maintain respect, trust, intimacy, communication and love and the relationship will be strong enough to weather any storm.

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