In some cases you have to draw the line in the sand with those you love. You care deeply about them, but their habits is inappropriate and pressures your relationship to the point of breaking it. Though you may dread doing so, the time may have come to set clear limitations-- and maybe even a warning. To help you handle the scenario, think about the following guidelines:Be clear exactly what your limits are. When you are calm, take some time to fully think through the situation. Decide which behaviors you want to accept, are willing to give time to change, or see as totally inappropriate if they occur again.
Be clear about the consequences of your loved one when violating your boundaries. There are some habits that call for discussion, while others need much stronger action. For example, you might be upset by your hubby watching porn online and feel the need to talk with him about it. By contrast, you might see chronic sexting with somebody besides you as cheating and a reason for divorce. Or, you might be happy to stay married as long as your partner goes to couples counseling with you.
Be committed to maintaining your boundaries. If you find yourself believing that you wish to hold the line or you hope to hold the line, then you need to think more about this. You are not yet dedicated to your limits. Although it might be difficult to remain firm, you significantly increase your possibilities of doing it if you are decisive about how to react. For this reason, it's essential to carefully consider your limits and how you plan to react to your loved one crossing them.
Take steps to remain grounded. Make note of when you begin to get upset. Remind yourself that you have a plan and recommit to it. If you require additional aid calming yourself, you might pay attention to your breath (observing your inhale and your exhale) or you may discover a way to briefly leave the scenario. The calmer you are in dealing with the circumstance, the better you will feel and the more efficient you will be.
Articulate your limits plainly, succinctly, and with caring. Make certain to describe to your loved one that you care about them and want to stay in the relationship. However, you should likewise discuss that you will not accept them continuing their habits or hesitating to deal with it in some demonstrable way. For example, you might tell a friend that you care so much about her that you can not support her while she continues to consume excessively and do self-destructive things while drunk-- but that you are there for her if she seeks assistance, such as going to AA.
Be as succinct as you can be while doing all you can to make yourself understood.If your loved one fights you or appears intent on arguing, merely stop the conversation. You can not make anybody to comprehend something they don't wish to comprehend or acknowledge. You have actually done all you can to discuss your position and do not need to do more.
At this point, it is time to do what you planned and said you would do. If you find your willpower weakening or worry that it will, you may want to employ the assistance of someone you can depend on to help you stand firm. Adhering to your boundaries may not feel good, however it will hopefully feel right-- allowing you to be positive about yourself and the possibility of a happier future, whatever occurs with your relationship.
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