Couples, especially those that have been together for a long time, establish a co-mingled group of friends. While starting out in separate categories, the divisions grow confusing after multiple shared activities, gatherings and holidays.Couples become tempted to have friends, both those they knew before getting together and after, chose who they will continue to associate with at the end of the relationship.
By establishing a hard line us or them situation, it becomes sad for everyone involved because of the pressure to make the right decision. Here are a few reasons why not making shared friends pick sides will end better for everyone.
It Does Not Feel Good
The simplest reason stems from the fact no one feels good when having to make a decision like this. The couple may feel betrayed if an old friend decides to hang out with their ex.
Friends will sense they are behaving in a way counter to either their old or new friend. This may cause either the couple or the friends to avoid talking about the discomfort generated by the situation cutting off a large part of the relationship due to discomfort.
Placing the Pressure on the Friends
No matter how it is couched in discussions, the friends will always feel pressured to make a decision in which someone will be hurt. Couples should recall times when they have been placed in a similar scenario.
Recalled discomfort often allows for a better way forward rather than adding to the struggle before shared friends. Empathy can be challenging when couples feel pain over the break up, but they need to understand their friends are no happier about the situation.
Loses More Friends than Retains
In the heat of making a decision about who to remain friends with, even the best of friends may chose to not decide. This choice causes damage to the divided couple and the friends everyone's circle of support diminishes leaving each to fend for themselves.
It can be hard to see it in such a light in the throes of pain. This makes the right decision all the more important preventing the spread of damage from the break up.
Friends Are Not Property
During the dissolution of the relationship, couples will divide several things like shared mementos, a piece of furniture or even valuable gifts carrying too much sentimental value.
The difference between even the most personal items and friends is people can never be doled out evenly. Friends have feelings and preferences. They will not be handed off at the whim of someone. Nor should they be.
In the end, couples tempted to lay claim to friends will likely find themselves alone in their pain. They should seek to respect their former partner and their shared friends by letting each party make their own decision, respect the choices made and relish those friends seeking to support both sides.
Rare are the friends whose love is deep enough to envelop the world and they should be treasured as such by not being forced to decide with whom they will associate.
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