Jan 4, 2014

Sharing Your Dreams and Goals As Married Couples Makes A Lot Of Difference

Marriage is always in progression. The two individuals in the marital relationship journey in stages and grow continuously.

This marital growth entails a lot of commitment, trust, effort and reciprocity. Healthy and well built marriages are not by chance, but are worked upon.

The basic element of “being one” in marriage is companionship. Like friends, couples are open with each other’s interests, dreams and goals.  

A married couple often will find it difficult to deal with certain problems when there is no common goal that is established. Goals enable the couple to realize that both are not competing, instead, working together and needing one another’s help.

Married couples should cooperate and work for these dreams and goals with all dedication and devotion.
Should both you and your spouse’s goals appear to be much different, as they sometimes do, never give up. Talk and recognize both your needs that each goal can satisfy.  You can discover during the process that you both have similar dreams and goals; it was just the direction that was different.  And this can be dealt with as you talk. 

The significant thing here is to share similar priorities as well as personal values in life together with your spouse, that when you take the time to communicate with each other regarding your needs and motivations, you will be surprised to learn that you both have identical dreams and goals. 

Goals can center on your children, the family as a whole, your individual careers, your possessions and your pastimes.

The following are guidelines to better understand and relate with your partner's goals:
1.    Know your spouse.  Pay close attention to his or her habits and values.

2.    Bond and respond.  Whatever that goes on within your spouse’s life, in his/her career, you know that there are dreams and goals in each aspect.  So be sensitive and take part; worry and celebrate in his accomplishments.

3.    Let your spouse influence you.  Be willing to share in his/her decisions.  Understand his/her goals and when you do not agree at some point, at least support him or her..

4.    Compromise.  When your goals do not exactly match, know when to put the brakes if you feel that the conversation is becoming confrontational.  Be calm and tolerant.

When you both have strong appreciation and understanding of all your dreams and goals you become closer together as a married couple, it makes married life a lot more pleasant and easier to handle.  After all, you are partners in life.

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Jan 3, 2014

Factors for Considering a Couple's Renewal of Vows

The renewal of vows is a ceremony where a couple relives their commitment and vows to reaffirm their love and devotion to one another. Here are some factors that a couple may consider when they renew their vows:

1. The couple can set a date that will coincide with the date they celebrated their original wedding. Many couples prefer to renew their vows on the exact date of the 10th, 20th, 25th, or 50th anniversary of their wedding. These are significant dates that they cherish, despite the trials in life as married couples. 

2. When renewing the vows after the first year or marriage, the couple should consider the guests to be invited. The renewal ceremony will should not be as large as the original wedding. The couple should invite only close relatives and friends.

3. Make the renewal of vows an appropriate celebration that fits your social circle. Decide if the event should be formal or casual and inform the invited guests. The couple must remember that the vows should be acceptable and enjoyable. It should be a celebration that will be cherished for the years to come.

4. The couple may include the clergy if they desire. The renewal of vows does not necessarily need a clergy present. Some couples write their own   renewal vows. A couple reaffirms their love for one another personally and simultaneously in front of their guests even without clergy or a priest. The most important thing is that the couple recognize that their renewal of vows be sentimental to themselves and their guests.

5. The couple should give extra thought to their statements when they renew their vows. Meaningful but simple reaffirmation of their love would be appropriate for the celebration. Although it is not important for others, it will still symbolize their commitment to one another to live together their entire lifetime.

The renewal of vows may be important and significant to many couples who wish to celebrate their marriage with their families and friends. This celebration is very significant to many couples because they would once again affirm their commitment be unified with love.

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Jan 2, 2014

Quality Time For Each Other

When the couple is planning to have children or already have some, both must not forget to spend quality time with each other alone. If both are working, being together should not just happen when the couple comes home from work. It means that the they should think of other ways to spice up the marriage.

Here are some good ideas to carry this out:

1. Even when both people are married, some things do not have to change. The individuals can still go out on dates, such as watching a movie and having dinner in a restaurant like two people who just started dating.

2. The couple can also plan weeks or perhaps months in advance to go out of town or even out of the country and spend the time away from the hustle and bustle of everyday life.

3. There are many classes and sports to choose from and trying something new with your partner can be a learning and memorable experience.

4. Some people believe that a match made in heaven means that both will like everything that the other person does. This is not always the case which makes some say that opposites attract. Instead of being annoyed by something that the other enjoys, the individual should keep an open mind about it and participate in the activity or sit there with the other person while they enjoy that activity.

5. Sex is something awkward to talk about but marriage counselors insist that a good marriage should also have this in the equation. Both genders long for sex at different ages and researchers have determined that men want sex often in their 20’s and 30’s while women want more sex in their 30’s and 40’s. To make it work, the couple must agree when is the right time to enjoy doing it. Spontaneous sex is often the most enjoyable.

Sex therapists have published various books on sex such as the different positions and role playing games that couple can play with each other. Research and exploration may be a great way of to assure a good time with your spouse.    

Time is a luxury that people do not have. There are things that are beyond the control of people that are unforeseen which happen in the blink of an eye. The best thing to do is spend quality time no matter how short or long making the spouse feel loved and special at all times.
 
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Jan 1, 2014

Marriage Counseling Pros and Cons: The Two Sides of the Story

Marriage is not a human institution or a genius proposition by humanity to establish a society. Marriage is a holy institution, a concept that was generated from God.

However, even if marriage is God’s gift to humanity, it is not perfect. This is because marriage is still a human institution, with humans as the primary foundation, and subject to human frailties.

No wonder there are almost two million married couples who file for a divorce every year. When taken for granted, marriage can be a commodity that can be easily destroyed once consumed.

For this reason, some people have come up with an idea to solve this growing problem. These people believe that it is not right for a married couple to abandon their vows and forget the love that once had bound them together just because of some human weaknesses.

It was in the 1950s that marriage counseling was established in Australia. The primary goal of marriage counseling is to maintain an unwavering married life for couples.

However, not all people agree with the benefits that marriage counseling gives. In spite of its many advantages, some people still find some fault with this kind of psychological strategy.

Here is a list of its pros and cons.

PROS

1. It creates full realization of the problem. Some couples tend to think that they are the only ones who are experiencing the problem but after they have talked to a marriage counselor, they realize that there are many others who experience the same thing.

2. It can help you understand your spouse better. Therefore, the way you value your wife or your husband becomes wider and that vision can help you see the possibility of finding a solution.

CONS

1. Some couples tend to depend on marriage counseling. There are many instances where people do not exert any effort to resolve their problems on their own because they know that there is a marriage counselor that they can turn to.

2. It is simply considered by some couple as a last-ditch measure before a divorce. It does not have much value. In fact, in almost 70% of married couples, the wife is usually the one that has decided to end the marriage and they are planning to proceed with a divorce even before seeking the help of a counselor.

The bottom line is that with or without marriage counseling, married couples should learn to solve their problems. Marriage counseling can be a great help, but should never be relied upon exclusively to save a shaky marriage.

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Dec 31, 2013

Marriage and Sex Problems: When Married Life is Not Confined in Bed Alone

Every person has his or her own limitations on physical and emotional abilities and strength. These limitations are associated with how each person was morally developed by their parents. Their surroundings, their personal outlook on themselves, their fears, and the level of their acceptance and maturity are also factors.

Disparity on sex problems and marriage should never be generalized and concluded. Creating solutions and accepting reality is totally dependent on how the person involved in the relationship can cope with the challenges.

In reality, sex is an important tool in keeping the spark in every marriage burning. In fact, some health experts contend that having a good sex life can absolutely make people feel good about themselves and can actually improve one’s overall health condition.

That is why, for some people who experience sex problems like erectile dysfunction, hormonal imbalance, inability to achieve orgasm, etc., find it extremely difficult to maintain their marriage.

Although sex should never be an issue in marriage, the fact that having a good sexual relationship is advantageous to married couples.  Having sex problems is definitely something to talk about and should be resolved if possible.

Today, there are many solutions available to resolve some of the most common sex problems. This is definitely good news since health experts contend that having a good sexual activity in marriage is 25%-30% better for married couples than those who are not yet married.

In fact, in the United Kingdom alone, the largest source of sex therapy is currently receiving 5,000 people who are having sexual problems every year.

Furthermore, statistics show that most people who attend some kind of sexual therapy can actually improve their marriage as well as their health. Almost 93% of those who have undergone sexual therapy have significantly improved their married life.

Most health experts contend that sexual activity can definitely mend a marriage that is nearing to divorce.
However, one should not dismiss the fact that not all sexual problems can be resolved. It is important for every married couple to fully understand their partner’s physical limitations regarding sex.

If there are no available solutions to some sex problems the spouse should be able to accept that reality.  If love is the center of the relationship sexual problems should not be a barrier to a lasting marriage.

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Dec 30, 2013

Marriage and Jealousy: When Love is Never Selfish or Full of Insecurity

In life, there can be no greater destructive force in any relationship, especially in marriage than jealousy. It is a powerful yet negative emotion that is rooted on insecurity. Once a person is unsure of himself or herself, jealousy can easily seep in.

The dangerous thing here is when jealousy that is not founded on truth can definitely ruin marriage.
The negative force that binds a jealous person is relatively difficult to deal with. In most cases, these “green-eyed” persons tend to shun away from the truth.

In reality, to be jealous is normal. However, the point wherein the spouse will no longer listen to the truth and will only hold on to what he or she believes in even if those facts were not true is not acceptable. And if the spouse can no longer control his or her jealousy, the future of their marriage will be ruined.

With jealousy, it is not surprising why the ratio of marriages to divorce nowadays is 2 to 1. It is no longer shocking why two million couples are getting a divorce every year.

The Solution

Love in marriage should never be selfish and insecure. Married couples should never strive for their individual satisfaction. They should always make each other feel the love that binds them together.

There are instances that a person cannot simply dismiss his or her jealousy. It is extremely important that they learn to keep the communications line open and tell their partners about the problem. It is not enough that jealous people try to stop assuming negative ideas. It is best that they tell their partners about them so that they can both work out some solutions to the problem.

The problem with most married couples is that they are afraid to tell their partners the reason they are jealous, hence, miscommunication happens. Researches show that married couples who do not have at least 80% open communication can expect the worst from their marriage.

The bottom line is that jealousy should be resolved through proper communication. Let the other person know what you are jealous about. Make him or her understand how you feel about the past so that you can both create a good solution for the present.

Best of all, try to make each other feel special and loved. Keep in mind that jealousy is basically rooted in insecurity. If a person who feels 100% assured that he or she is greatly loved by his or her partner, then, there is no room for jealousy, and their marriage will definitely grow old with them.

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Dec 29, 2013

Marriage and Insecurities: A Matter of building Confidence

Love is the primary reason why a man and a woman decide to get married. Before their marriage, life seems like a dream because of love. And after marriage, it is love that will give them the strength to hold on to each other so that those dreams will become a reality.

However, some couples tend to lose the love that they once shared just because of some deceitful qualities that they have acquired, one of which is insecurity.

Insecurity is one of the most devastating tools that will destroy a happy marriage. Once a person feels he or she is not “good enough” to handle the responsibilities in marriage, the assurance that marriage will last will only fail.

Most people suffer from insecurity at some time, but it is never healthy in any relationship, especially in marriage.

There may be many reasons why a person has insecurities. However, it should be resolved even before they decide to marry. This is because people with very low self-esteem can never make their marriages work out.

In fact, recent studies show that because of insecurity and the fear of not being able to cope with the responsibilities of a married life, the numbers of couples who do not get married are increasing at a constant rate. They reason that it would be easier to leave when they think that they are not capable of making the relationship work than if they were married and had to get a divorce.

The many kinds of anxiety that affect people in marriage can feed such insecurity. The only antidote is for the spouse to build confidence by giving recognition to their partner.

Some people are excellent at burying their insecurities, but this should not be the case in marriage. Everybody needs some appraisal and appreciation for everything that they do in the relationship. They need to hear that they are loved without any conditions.

Lack of confidence holds some people back from seeking out the ways to make their marriage work. It is important for every spouse to make their partners believe in their own abilities by praising them more often and by giving them the love and affection that they deserve.

Once insecurities are eased, marriage will definitely last. Keep in mind that insecurity may not be absolutely eliminated but by praise, reassurance, and open communication, the marriage will be successful.

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