Feb 26, 2013

Relationship Split Decision: Break Up Or Make Up

How do you know when it’s really all over?  Is it when one of you calls it quits?  Or, is there still hope even when someone has walked out?  This article will look at relationships – break up or make up.

There are numerous reasons that relationships break up.  Some of them are even good reasons.  For instance, if you are just leading your partner on, it is right to cut him or her loose.  If he or she isn’t trustworthy, that is a good reason for a break up.  Of course, sometimes people’s lives change and the partner no longer fits into the total picture, in which case, it is good to end the relationship.

So, when do you make up? 
There are two components to saving a relationship.  First of all, you have to both love each other.  But that alone is not enough to save relationships from breaking up.  For instance, partners of different religious faiths may love each other but find that love alone can’t bridge the difference in their outlook for the future.

You also have to be able to see a future together.  If you can’t see the person in your life in six months, you might as well separate now, even if you have a real bond of affection.  And, if this is a serious relationship and you can’t see yourself marrying your partner, you will be doing both of you a favor by calling it quits.

If you are going to make up, you need to reflect on the relationship’s break up.  Why did things go sour?  When you have identified the root causes of the split, you can begin to fix things.

It may take time to fix things.  While your ex may not be willing to jump back into bed with you, they might be willing to be friends and to work on the relationship.  In fact, after a relationship’s break up, you may not want to start right back where you left off.  Instead, take some time to rebuild the romance in your lives.

Here is some advice for people who are wondering whether to break up or make up.
1) First of all, listen more than you talk.  Don’t always try to explain your position.  Try to understand your ex’s.  Also, listen without planning a rebuttal.

2) Remember to do the things your ex likes.  If she likes it when you buy her flowers, get a dozen roses.  If he likes it when you go to his football scrimmages, go.  This shows that you pay attention to their wants and needs.

3) Show your ex that they are on your mind even when you are not around.  You can do this by calling or texting them.

4) Call each other by loving or pet names.  This brings exclusiveness to the relationship.

5) Try to have fun again.  Too many times, relationships become too serious.  “Communication” becomes paramount.  But, dating is supposed to be fun.  Try putting the serious issues aside from time to time and focus on enjoying each others company.

When it comes to relationships, break up is hard because you have invested so much in the other person.  Because of this, making up is sometimes the better answer.

Strategies For Convincing A Spouse To Save A Marriage

When you’re partner seems minutes away from packing their bags—or you're living separately already—convincing a spouse to save a marriage can seem next to impossible. If you take a step back from
the situation, though, you can see that there are realistic options for changing the mind of a spouse who's about to walk out. Here are some strategies that may just get your partner to come around.

Fake it 'til you make it':

It's a common strategy for business and other areas of social like, but acting 'as if' can work for marriages, too. It works so well because how we act has a major influence both on how we feel and on how others see us.

For a while, try forgetting that you have anything but a perfectly blissful marriage and treat your spouse accordingly. Now, that's not going to be so easy if your partner's still bitter and liable to pick a fight. Still, you can take advantage of those times when things are
going well to try to see your spouse as the person you were deeply in love with when you decided to get married.

Be reasonable:

Whether you want your spouse to join you in marriage counseling or just try out a few tips you picked up from a book, you'll have more success in winning them over if you don't push. Threats, guilt trips, and begging are more likely to push your partner away than give you any success convincing him to save a marriage. Instead, use a calm logical approach that taps into the underlying regard you spouse most likely still has for you or at least for the children.

Statements like 'With everything we've invested in each other, don't you think it's worth a try to save it?' or 'Wouldn't you rather be able to tell the kids we tried everything?' can help.

Address the problems:

When convincing a spouse to save a marriage, promises to change ring pretty hollow unless you can back them up. If you expect your husband to believe you're not going to repeat certain mistakes in
the future, give them a real reason. This is especially important if you've had an affair or you're struggling with an addiction.

For instance, if you've started counseling to resolve an addiction that you've never dealt with before, your partner has a reason to believe things will get better.

Take care of yourself:

The stress and low mood, marital problems naturally bring about, can leave you feeling like you just don't want to do anything. For your own sake, though, don't give in to that feeling or you'll only make yourself feel worse and drive your spouse farther away.

Make sure you're eating right, getting enough sleep, and not cutting corners on personal grooming. Stay on top of your responsibilities like finances and home maintenance.

Convincing a spouse to save a marriage isn't always easy, but it can be done. The most important thing you need to do is stay calm, stay upbeat, and actively look for solutions to the problems between you.

If you need more advice on convincing your spouse to save a marriage, most marriage counselors and professionally written self-help ebooks online can give you some tips.

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