Jun 5, 2012

Building Trust In A Relationship Once Lost

In most cases, it takes an enormous amount of trust to open up and let someone in to your life and into your heart. The first time is difficult enough but once that trust is gone building trust in a relationship once lost may well be close to impossible.

I'm certainly not saying that you shouldn't even try or that it is impossible, but I am saying that if you find yourself in a situation where you need to rebuild the trust you once had, it is usually even doubly difficult to do the second time around.

If you have made a mistake and betrayed your partner and you decide that you want to put things back together and make things right, just know that you must be willing to commit to it fully. Rebuilding won't be quick or easy but it can be worth it.

We are only human and sometimes we make mistakes that is the reality. But, when those mistake cause someone else, particularly the person we love, a lot of pain, it just makes it more important than ever to try to make things right.

Here are a few things that may help you rebuild the trust you and your partner had before:
1. I think one of the most important things you need to do is allow it time. You must be patient and understand that there is no time frame. It's not uncommon for the partner who messed up to say they are willing to give things all the time it needs, but then if things don't start getting better in the time frame they would like they get angry.

They can sometimes accuse the other of "holding them hostage" or just "hanging on to the anger to punish them" things like that. And while it's not impossible that that is the case, in most instances it just takes time to regain trust and this impatience and anger on the part of the partner who made the mistake is possibly a sign of some deep level selfishness which could well be the reason they broke their partners trust in the first place.

Just be willing to allow your partner as much time as they need. If you can't do that you may just be better off walking away.

2. A good way to build trust with your partner is to not lie. Tell them the truth. Even small white lies are still lies, just don't do it.

3. Good communication skills will make your partner feel like they really know what is going on with you and over time that can lead to an increase in trust. Be willing to open up to them and let them in. You may find that you never really have let them in in the past. Again, that could have been the problem you had to begin with.

All of these things are important elements to a healthy relationship but they are especially crucial if either of you needs to rebuild something that you've lost.

Good luck in your efforts to building trust in a relationship once lost, it won't be easy but if you are wiling it can be done.

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Jun 4, 2012

Relationships That Stand The Test Of Time; Are You In One?

If someone could come up with the simple formula that would ensure all relationships could be relationships that stand the test of time they would probably make a fortune.

That seems to be the one thing that eludes many of us, we just seem to have trouble finding relationships that stand the test of time. Is there a secret? Is there some sort of blue print or formula that we can follow to find "the one"?

Well, I don't claim to be an expert but I believe that yes, in a way there really is. I believe most of us have the tendency to make things more complicated than we need to. I believe that if we made a subtle shift in the way we thought about our relationships we could have more success.

Like I said, I'm not an expert and you may or may not agree with my ideas, but here are some easy things that I believe can make it easier for you to have more success in all your relationships both romantic and not:
1. I believe that the first thing you can do to make sure you have good relationships will actually start with you. Too many of us think that we have to pick the right person, and I sure think that is important too, but what about you? Are you "right"? Do you even know what you want or what you will be bringing to the table in your relationship?

Most people will say their "perfect" relationship would include things like someone who has a good sense of humor, that they are honest, that they communicate well, etc. But do you have those same traits?

If not, you and your "perfect person" may not actually be that compatible after all.

2. Once you are more mature and in touch with who you really are you will have an easier time of recognizing the traits that you really want when you see them in another. But more than that, you will also be able to show them that you can provide them with the type of person they are likely to want too.

It's not just about what you want but what you can offer someone else. If you are needy and immature you won't be likely to attract someone who is mature and confidant. Instead, you will most likely attract other needy and immature people and that will not make for a good long lasting relationship.

3. This goes along with the idea of compatibility (actually I think that is most of what will make your relationships strong is true compatibility) is making sure you don't ignore the bad traits you see early on in your relationships.

Sure, we all know that everyone is on their best behavior in the beginning but even so you can still spot signs of trouble if they are there and if you are willing to keep your eyes open.

Too many people go out to find someone for the wrong reasons such as loneliness or peer pressure. So, make sure you know what you have to offer and make sure you are strong enough to be alone before you start looking for someone to date.

That sounds weird I know but the truth is that if you are desperate when you start looking for someone special you will ignore any bad traits in your partner and that may eventually doom your relationship. That is what I believe happens to most people; they simply ignore signs of trouble when it would still be easy to get out.

Instead they go ahead with the relationship for the wrong reason and later when they are in love, or married or have kids it is a lot harder to make a break. If they had seen and heeded the signs early on it would have been easy to save them self from a lot of pain. That is the basis to relationships that stand the test of time.

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