Dec 25, 2011

How to Ask Marriage Counseling Questions

Many people are very intimidated to seek out the help of a therapist. One of the reasons for this intimidation is that they don't know what to expect. That is why I have created this article; to let you know some common marriage counseling questions that you will be asked.

As humans, we have a tendency to not question the things that should be questioned. For example, you might not really have taken the time to get to the bottom of what the problem is in your marriage.

Most of us think that we have, but we really haven't. We only see the outward manifestation of the bigger problem. For example, chances are you aren't going ballistic every time your husband leaves the toilet seat up just because that is such a big issue.

More than likely your reaction is more basic, more primal. Every time he leaves the toilet seat up you view it as a lack of consideration for you and your feelings. This perceived lack of consideration that you sense from your husband is the real issue, not the toilet seat. Make sense?

That is what the marriage counseling questions are all about. It is imperative that the counselor get to the bottom of the problems, the real issues. If you don't really know what it is yourself, how can you tell the counselor and how can they help you work on it?

So, here are some commonly asked questions that many counselors will ask you and your spouse to answer in your own words:

1. What are the problems or issues that made you decide to go to counseling? This question will be asked of both partners. If you listen you may just be amazed at how different your perceptions of the problems in your marriage and your spouses perceptions of the problems are.

This will provide the therapist with a place to start. They will know what each of you see as the problem as well as see where the two of you are diverging in your opinions of what the problems are.

2. Which one of these issues do you see as the most important? This will allow the counselor to figure out what you consider to be the most difficult issue to overcome. This knowledge will make it easier for them to focus in on those issues.

Instead of spending a lot of time wondering around in the dark, the counselor will have a much better idea of what each of you see as the issue's that are tearing your marriage apart.

Once they know where to focus their attention, they may be able to help you start finding possible solutions much more quickly.

Now that you know what common questions you are likely to be asked by your therapist, you can take some time to think about the issues in more depth.

Doing that will make it easier for you to accurately answer the questions when the counselor asks them. That can save you all a little time.

So, take some time and figure out how you would answer these common marriage counseling questions now.

Dating Casual May Be The Answer For You - After a Divorce or Breakup

If you have recently gotten out of relationship that ended badly you may want to think about casual dating for the time being. Relationships can start out exciting and full of fun but as the months and years roll on it can get harder and harder to maintain the good stuff because all the little things creep in and start to bug the crap out of you.

When a relationship ends there has to be some grieving time before you make a plan and start over. You should wait for at least 6 months to a year before venturing back into the dating pool. There are millions of fish in the sea and your "perfect catch" is out there waiting for you.

Use the time you spend by yourself to figure some things out like, what is your part in the break ups you have had? If you can figure this out and find a way to fix you then the next relationship you have will be better for all concerned.

Maybe you have been attracted to men who are dominant and after a while this wears on you and you end up resenting him for being controlling. This may be an insecurity factor on your part. If you always feel like you need someone to control things because you do not trust yourself to make those types of decisions.

Most men like a woman who is strong and confident, but not too confident. They want a woman who is as good in the bedroom as she is in the boardroom. Men also like to be the center of attention, especially when out on a date. They like to have your full attention, not someone who is talking to everyone but him.

Do not bring any drama into his life either, if you have a parent who is overbearing and wants to know, now that your dating, when you will give her some grandchildren, do not tell him this. He will run away screaming.

If, after the first few dates, the two of you decide to be exclusive he will probably pick going out with you instead of spending time with his buddies. This is only temporary, do not expect it to last. At some point the tables will turn and you will find that he needs his time away from you so he can bond with "the boys".

If you fight him he will feel like you are trying to control him or you are being too possessive, either way you will not win and he will break up with you. Just take things slow and see what direction they are heading. If little things pop up that annoy you, make sure that you communicate this to him and ask him to be open and honest with you about it.

The biggest goal of dating is to find a long term relationship that lasts. The only way this can happen is of there is trust, honesty and openness. Communication is a must, if you start out keeping secrets the there really is no hope for the relationship.

Is Your Husband Lost In The Bad Economy?

If your husband was one of the many who lost their jobs in this seriously down-sized economy and seems just to be drifting with no prospects on the horizon and no motivation to go along with it there are things you can do besides getting angry with him.

A man who has lost his job may sometimes think that his manhood is connected with having a job. He has been raised to believe that having a job is paramount to taking care of his family and providing the things that they need on a daily basis. Without a job he feels useless and could be suffering from a little depression.

Even though it is not your fault he lost his job he may start to take how he feels out on you. You can help your husband regain his motivation by being supportive and encouraging him to continue to look for work even if he has to take a lesser job at this point.

Tell the man you love not to be discouraged and that something will come along sooner or later. Be patient with him when he gets down in the dumps and thinks that he has lost your respect and admiration. Tell him repeatedly, if you have to, that he is loved and respected with or without a job.

If there is no job on the horizon, encourage him to explore other options. If he went to college and ended up working at a job he hates then sit down with him and make a list of the things he likes to do to help him see that even if he has to go back to school to learn something else, he can and probably should.

Sometimes losing something we hated to do anyway will open up the door to doing something we love to do and are passionate about, even if it does not pay the same. Wouldn't you rather have a husband who is happy and fulfilled at what he is doing than having him come home in a rotten mood everyday from a job that he hates? I know I would.

With the economy the way it is and no significant improvement in sight, many people have returned to school to either further their education or change careers altogether. There are programs out there that will help with paying for additional schooling.

Ask him if it would be alright for you to call the local community college and set up an appointment to talk to a school counselor to figure out what options are out there. Maybe he followed his father's path into business when what he really wanted to do was landscaping.

Now is the perfect time to go to school and learn all he can about landscaping. Then maybe he could start his own successful business and not have to worry about working for someone else ever again.

Your husband is important to you so instead of ragging at him to find a new job, encourage him to follow his heart and do something he really wants to do. Sometimes we men lose our self-respect when we can't provide for our families, this also an added to the pressure's of  life and it hurts even more - when our wife's don't give us  that support we need to get back out there ...And fight! I hope this makes sense.

Final thought: 
The truth of the matter is can you "Back-Your-Man" even when the chips are down? What if the shoe was on the other foot; Wouldn't you want the same from him - "For-Better or Worst" that was the deal!!!

"Q & A" Letters from Blog Readers: Advice on Love and Relationships

Question: He married another woman, but really loves me; How long do I wait? I have a strange relationship with a guy I met in 2015. He wa...