Jun 26, 2010

To Be Forgiven; You Yourself Have to Forgive

The closer you are to someone, the more likely you are to step on their toes. And being married to someone certainly puts you in close quarters. So the chances are good that you and your spouse have sore feet.

Okay, that was my best joke of today. The point is that it's NORMAL for you and your spouse to get in each others way and for those "misses" to cause hurt...sometimes serious hurt.

Did your spouse hurt you? Have you made mistakes that hurt your spouse?

Except in the case of physical abuse, you can "move on" from anything. In fact, your marriage can end up even BETTER!

I know...you're probably thinking, "Better? How could it be better than before we screwed up?"

It CAN be better, but you have to do one thing first. You have to forgive.

What does it REALLY mean to forgive?

Many people will say, "I forgive you," but continue to harbor anger in their heart. Some people say the words, but it's obvious from their actions that nothing's changed.

Other people will say "I forgive you" but what they really mean is, "I don't want to talk about this. I can't deal with this. I'm turning you off." And so the 3 magic words come out and form
a wall that shuts out their spouse. True, they're not angry, but that's because they've shut down all emotion and refuse to reconnect.

-Saying "I forgive you" is an entirely different ball game than truly forgiving.

Look carefully at the word "forgive." It tells you what it means. "For-Give"...in other words, to GIVE as you did BEFORE.

That's true forgiveness. When you GIVE of yourself like you did BEFORE you were hurt, then you know you've forgiven. When you stand as close to your spouse as you stood the day your feet got
stepped on...that's forgiveness.

That's not easy to do. But it is possible. You can forgive each other and move on... And once you forgive, you'll see that your marriage will be BETTER than it was before. You'll be happy that the mistake was made (in a strange way) because you'll realize that you would never have achieved the love you finally did without that mistake as your catalyst.

Did you know that when a broken bone heals it's stronger than it was before it was broken? You too can be STRONGER than before things broke down between you and your spouse.

Did you ever make love after a big fight? Did you ever think after you made-up, "Hey, this is great? We should fight more often." and you both laugh about it later - Sometimes the highest-highs follow the lowest-lows. But you have to know how to reconcile; Here are the first steps to get you both there below:

1. Respect
2. Communication
3. Trust

All 3 Equal = Love for Each Other; Without It...Your Dead In The Water!

Three Keys To Fixing A Broken Relationship

There is nothing wrong with fixing a broken relationship, but some ways of doing so are better than others. We'll take a look at what you can do, and what you should avoid, to patch things up. Salvaging your current relationship, or getting back together will require a lot of effort. No matter what Hollywood likes to tell you, long-lasting relationships don't magically happen.

Before you even begin you have to ask yourself why you want it to be fixed? if you are doing it because you know "it will be different this time", then it may be a good idea to re-think your position

Many couples split because of one thing: distrust. Fixing a broken relationship requires honesty from this point forward. You have to be honest about who you are, who your mate is and what being together means to you. One point related to honesty is that you can't change other people. You can change yourself, but don't fool yourself thinking things will be better after you change your significant other.

Be careful that you don't lay it on too thick. You may want to show how enthusiastic you are about mending things, but be careful that you don't cross the line into overdoing it. Most people don't respond well to being overwhelmed, and are likely to pull back the more you push. Even if that isn't your intention, you have to think about how you're being perceived. Understand that no matter how much you want to fix things, it takes two people to make it work. If your ex isn't ready to mend things, you have to be ready to give them more time and space.

Now that you understand what to avoid, you will need an action plan before you can start fixing a broken relationship. Here are the three steps you need to take to set things right, and to keep them that way.

Identify: Before you can do anything, you need to know what's wrong. Take a look at the areas in your relationship that you would like to be better. This could be you, your mate, or the relationship itself. While you can only change yourself, being aware

Fix: Once you know where improvement is needed, it's time to solve the problem. This may require any different number of approaches. Chances are you won't get it right the first time, but keep trying until you are able to resolve the issue that's putting a strain on your relationship.

Maintain: No relationship is perfect. Be on constant alert for potential problem spots and take care of them as soon as possible. It is much easier to fix things sooner rather than later. Things will always pop up that need your and your better half's attention.

You can see that fixing a broken relationship may not always be the best thing to do, it's never that easy, but if you want to do it, it is possible to be a happier couple. Just follow the tips mentioned above and you will see how good things can be.

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