Getting Back Together After A Long Time - Can It Work

So you are thinking of getting back together after a long time apart. Can it work? Well that depends really on how much you both want it to and what caused the breakup in the first place. You are more likely to succeed if you have the backing of your friends and family.

Often we break up when we are young, as we are both immature and just don't know what we have, until we lose it.  Other times we can kill off a relationship, because we relocated with our jobs or our families. Often the break up has nothing to do with the people involved just the timing or distance is wrong.

But sometimes there were specific reasons why we broke up and if these reasons still exist, then you need to work out why you want to get back together. Absence can make the heart grow fonder but be aware that memories get distorted and you could be remembering events that didn't quite happen that way. Experts call this the "rose coloured glasses" effect.

However, if you are thinking of getting back together after a long time apart, there must be a physical and emotional attraction between the two of you. Physical attraction is great and this is what generally brings couples together initially. But unless it is accompanied or followed over time by an emotional connection, the physical stuff just isn't enough to sustain a relationship.

Long term successful partnerships are based on mutual respect, love and commitment. If you miss out any of these three key ingredients your chances of spending your twilight years together diminish. I know that Hollywood films would have you believe that a great romance is based on lust and physical attraction. You can be easily fooled into thinking the man just has to sweep you off your feet and you will live happily ever after.

Unfortunately, real life isn't like that and you will have certain trials to face as a couple. A couple who are deeply committed to each other, on every level, is much more likely to survive the problems... real life throws at them.

Perhaps you two were together for a long time. Maybe you even had a family together before you split up. If this is the case, you need to be sure that you are getting back together for the right reasons and not because your kids want you to.  Just as a couple should never stay with each other solely for the sake of their children, nor should they get romantically involved again for this reason.

Getting back together after a long time apart can be an exciting adventure. Just take things slowly and who knows, perhaps a marriage or remarriage may just be over the horizon.

Note: You don't have to be married for this advice to work, you might have once live together and broke-up for whatever reason. The out come is still the same, go slowly when re-entering your old relationship!

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Where Can I Find Help For A Troubled Relationship

If you and your partner are still speaking, why not make a date together at your favorite restaurant. A public place is great for a chat about your feelings as you are more likely to keep your temper under control. You cannot let your cozy chat descend into a shouting match or you will disturb the other diners.

Sometimes a little work and some private chats are all that is needed to sort out the troubles in a relationship. Life gets so busy that it is easy to lose track of our loved ones and to end up ignoring them or causing them to feel neglected. A few "couple only nights" may be all you both need to get back on track.

If you cannot talk alone, why not ask a trusted friend or family member to act as mediator. This can be a difficult step to take and not one that you should enter into lightly. You must pick someone who has the ability to act impartially. This is not the time for any third party to be taking sides.

What you are looking for is someone who can help you and your partner to talk openly about the problems you are having.  Someone who has been in a long term relationship, for a long period of time,  will probably better understand the difficulties a couple can face. Single people may understand the theory but not having had the practice will find it difficult to dispense advice.

Often it is not possible for you to find a suitable friend or family member so why not try couple counseling? People believe that these services are only available for married couples but that is not the case. There are some services dedicated to those that are married but others are for couples who live together or share time together.

Check your local phone directory to see what services are available. Be careful when choosing your advisory though. If possible, go on a personal recommendation. Your doctor or religious adviser may be able to help. Or ask your counselor if they have clients who are willing to give them a testimonial.

It is much better if both of you meet the counselor as it is important you are both comfortable talking to this person. You will be discussing intimate details and this is impossible if you do not like the counselor. They will probably want to meet you together as a couple and perhaps separately as well. Find out how many meetings you will be expected to attend and when you are likely to see results.

The good news is that if both parties are amenable to seeking help for a troubled relationship, you stand a great chance of sorting out your issues and going back to the happy couple you once were.

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