Oct 1, 2009

Getting Back At Your Ex - Why Would You Even Bother

A lot of people, women in particular it has to be said, appear to spend hours thinking of ways to answer the question of how to get back at your ex? My view on this is why bother? The only person you will end up hurting is yourself. Anger and regret are negative emotions and do not have any long term value to add to your life.

Couples split up for all sorts of reasons but I firmly believe that it takes two to tango. Yes, he may have had an affair or she may have a drink problem but at the end of the day it is usually too simple to lay the blame for the break up at one person's feet.

But when a relationship ends it should be final unless both of you decide that you wish to get back together. Otherwise, move on. Don't waste your time or energy trying to think of ways to destroy his life or pick fights with her new man.

Every man or woman over the age of 21 has been dumped at some point in their lives. If they say they haven’t, they are probably lying. Breaking up can be extremely painful - you only have to see how many films and songs are written on the subject. Even classic books involve painful relationships - have you read Jane Eyre lately?

Relationships of all types make the world go round and it would be a very boring place if we were happy all of the time. Stories such as Cinderella and sleeping Beauty end when the couple kiss and we all believe they will live happily ever after. Cinders and Beauty have found their Mr Right, but what they don't know is that his first name is always!

Life is too short to live it out with a grudge against someone else. The only person that will suffer will be you and those that love you. Your ex will be long gone - do you really think that they give you more than a fleeting thought. They didn't care enough about you to stay together so why would they care now?

There are plenty of lovely people for you to date and perhaps fall in love with. But you will never find a fulfilling new relationship if your life is consumed by hatred for someone else. Being on your own for the first time in a long time can be tough but it can also be liberating. Think positively - you now have the chance to do all the things you wanted to do but your partner wasn’t interested in.

Make a list of twenty things you have to be thankful for and read this every night before you fall asleep. Add five things to your list every day and you will soon find yourself enjoying life so much that you won’t have time to worry about how to get back at your ex. It will be more like ex who?

Sep 30, 2009

How To Keep A Woman Happy

So you want to know how to keep a woman happy? It is not easy to do but once you master it, you will win the heart of your woman forever. So it is worth a try right?

A Woman sometimes just needs to talk. Men are programmed to find solutions to every problem but sometimes we just want you to listen to us. We don't want you to look after us or solve every issue we raise but just to listen.

Yes I know she can spend two hours on the phone to a friend that she is meeting that afternoon anyway. It goes back to the days of cavemen. Whilst the men were out hunting, the women were at home where their ability to bond with others was directly proportionate to their chances of survival. They depended on the other women to look after them and their families should they fall sick. Childbirth in those days often resulted in a death sentence for these women.

Women like to go to the toilets in twos and threes. It is just a girl thing and the sooner you come to accept it the better. Don't get paranoid, we are not going to discuss you in detail - that will happen tomorrow.

Buy your lady flowers. But rather than buying her a bunch of roses, send her one of her favorite flowers every so often. This way she will know that you are thinking of her rather than just making a grand gesture.

Little things mean a lot to most women. So regardless of the fact that you are working 60 plus hours per week to pay your mortgage or put the kids through school, always find time to ring her at least twice a day. Ring to say that you miss her and then ring her back later on to tell her what time you expect to be home.

Say thank you when she does something ordinary. Everyone including women like to be appreciated so if you come home and it is obvious she has cleaned the bathroom, notice it and make an effort to keep it clean. That means helping your towel to find its way off the bathroom floor.

If your woman has had a hard day at the office, run her a hot bath and hand her a glass of chilled wine whilst you put the kids to bed and prepare dinner. Don’t ruin it by expecting sexual favors in return. In a recent survey, when women were asked what would make them happy, one of the most common answers was to be kissed without being groped!

Surprise her with a note under her pillow telling her how much you love her or appreciate her. Ok she will probably assume you have done something wrong and wonder if you are feeling guilty but underneath she will be pleased.

Making a woman happy involves doing the little things in life just that little bit more.

Sep 29, 2009

Win Your Love Back - The Example Of Katie And Brad

You can win your love back. Let me give you an example.

Katie made a major mistake. She saw Brad talking to her best friend Andrea and thought he was flirting with her. Katie worked herself into a fury and broke up with Brad.

It turns out that he was really consulting Andrea on how to put together a surprise romantic Valentine’s date. He was really hurt that Katie would think so little of him and didn’t want to have to do anything to do with her after that.

You may think that you can not win your love back after such a situation. But let me tell you what Katie did to get Brad back.

Brad wasn’t talking to her, so she couldn’t discuss the situation with him. But she could write him a letter. She got some nice paper and hand wrote an apology. She admitted that she had flown off the handle. She also told him what she liked about him and about the relationship. Finally, she expressed gratitude for his thoughtfulness in planning a romantic date.

Then, she shut up. She didn’t call, text or email him for a week. By not pestering him, she gave him time to work through his emotions.

After a week, she sent him a short and sweet “thinking of you” email. She kept it casual.

Brad was obviously nuts about Katie because he was willing to go to the trouble of impressing her on Valentine’s day. But, he was also hurt. Because Katie had apologized and given him time to work through his emotions, he was able to respond to the “thinking of you” email.

The night he got the email, he called Katie. She tried to keep things light and fun. Brad appreciated that. So, he suggested they meet for coffee and Katie agreed.

Katie went out of her way to look like a million bucks. She wore the earrings Brad had given her for Christmas and she put on the perfume that he liked so much.

Katie decided that she would only talk about positive things. She especially tried to bring fond memories into the conversation. She also asked about his family because that would reinforce their shared history and closeness.

Brad appreciated this. He loved Katie and didn’t want things to end. But, he didn’t want a repeat of the situation either. He needed to be reassured that their life together wouldn’t be filled with needless drama. He also needed to know that talking to another woman wouldn’t set off fireworks.

The couple agreed that they would take the relationship to a less intense level. They would really court each other again. They would stop taking each other for granted.

A year later, Brad and Katie agree that the break up may have actually saved their relationship over the long haul. While Katie initially flew off the handle, her calm handling of the situation afterward made it possible for them to move on. She showed you can win your love back.

Please Help Me Get My Ex Girlfriend Back

How many times do men ask their friends how do I get my ex girlfriend back? Honestly, I thought it was a woman's prerogative to change her mind. Some men just don't know when they are onto a good thing and their reasons for ending relationships border on the ridiculous.

My male friends have finished with girls for:

1) wearing the wrong type of shoes!
2) Her mother
3) The new barmaid at his favorite bar smiled at him.

Now ok I know that a pretty face can turn any man's head and there is the dreaded notion that a woman may turn into her mother but come on guys - the wrong type of shoes? If women didn't date men because of the clothes they were wearing the human race would have died out long ago. Behind every well dressed man is a good woman- in early life his mother and later his wife!

I always tell my men friends that they need to make a list before they break up with their partners. On one side of the list, you put her good points. Do you find her interesting? Does she look after you? Does she cook for you? Does she laugh at your jokes? Are you attracted to her?

On the other side of the list, they can put the things that wind them up. Ok she may nag at little too much but then if you put the toilet seat down she might stop. She may not want more than a cuddle every evening but five times a week doesn't mean that she isn't caring enough.

Writing the good and bad points of your life together down on paper may seem like a cold approach but it is a very practical way of seeing what a great relationship you do/did have. You need to compare the two lists and decide if you should be breaking up with this woman. If you are doing it after the event, it also helps to clarify if you made the right decision to finish the relationship. Sometimes we regret breaking up as we end up feeling lonely. But loneliness is not a reason to get back together.

If you have dumped the lady in your life but now know it was the wrong decision you need to act fast. Great life partners do not grow on trees. She has shown that she will put up with you in all your glory - how many women would be mad enough to do that?

Take a leaf out Richard Gere's book and put some romance back into her life. Send her flowers - not a bunch of red roses but some of her favorites. Send her a handwritten letter telling her how much you love her and miss her. Book her favorite restaurant and treat her to a night out. In short, you need to treat her just like the princess you believe her to be and assuming you are not a complete disgrace, you won't have ask how to get my ex girlfriend back.

Should I Get Back Together With My Ex Boyfriend

If you read any agony aunt columns you will often see a letter titled "should I get back together with my ex boyfriend". The answer is always; "It depends!".

It depends on your age, how long you were together, why you broke up and ultimately what both of you want.

What does age have to do with it? Some people met their first love in their early teens and become convinced that this is the only person in the world that matters. For some it works out really well and years later they are celebrating their Golden Jubilee. But for most of us, our passionate youthful infatuations are not real love and we go on to meet our true soul mates. So if you are very young and have just split up with your first boyfriend, you should probably try dating some other boys first to see whether Mr Ex is in fact Mr Right as opposed to Mr Right now. If you have dated a load of men and this man is your ideal mate, then you should make every effort to get back together with him.

How long you were together will also play a part in whether you should make up or not. A couple who have been together a couple of weeks do not know each other that well despite what they may think. The sexual attraction between couples in the early stages of a romance can often blind you to the fact that your partner is not a candidate for a lifelong happy relationship. Emotions run very high in the early days and you could find yourself splitting up on a weekly basis. If this is the case, it is often a sign that there is no future for you at this point in time.

If you have been together for years, you may have split up because you have taken each other for granted. Couples drift apart as life gets in the way. You often find that you spend more quality time with your neighbors and friends than you do with your significant other. Illness, stress and financial worries can also play a part. If you have been together forever and have suddenly split up, then you should make every effort to sit down and discuss your relationship to see is it worth saving. Sometimes, sadly it isn't but at least you will know that you have made every effort.

Why you broke up will partly determine whether you should get back together or not. If you and you ex boyfriend have split because of a silly misunderstanding then you should try getting back together. It is pointless letting your pride stop you from saying sorry if you acted childishly. If on the other hand you have split up due to lies, deceit, fraud or an affair, the decision to get back together is a lot more difficult.

Ultimately it depends on what both of you want. You cannot force someone else to love you even if you do resort to emotional blackmail. Saying I want to get back together with my ex boyfriend is easily achievable if he also wants this to happen.

"Q & A" Letters from Blog Readers: Advice on Love and Relationships

Question: He married another woman, but really loves me; How long do I wait? I have a strange relationship with a guy I met in 2015. He wa...