Sep 22, 2009

Love Break Up Getting Through A Distressing Situation


Are you in love? Break up with your boyfriend can be the most devastating thing in your life if you were truly in love. How can you get through this situation?

First of all, you need to determine whether the relationship is truly over. There are a number of ways to get an ex boyfriend back.

You don’t want to chase him. You want to give him some space, especially in the first days after a break up. So, don’t pester him with calls or texts. Instead, let him call you.

If he doesn’t contact you right away, don’t stress about it. Instead, after about a week, call him yourself. But, keep it casual. Don’t go all weepy on him and ask him to get back together. Also, keep it short. Five or ten minutes should suffice.

If you are still in love after this amount of time, you need to consider making more fundamental changes.

For instance, do you need a makeover? Would a new hairstyle or new clothes attract him back? Do you need to lose a few pounds?

Also, consider whether there were aspects of your personality that drove him away. Were you always nagging him? Did you drop all of your own friends and hang around with him exclusively? You may have been crowding him.

If you have identified areas where you can change, you need to do them. It may take time, but if he is truly in love, break up won’t last.

But, you also have to be prepared to move on. Fortunately, any changes you make to win your ex boyfriend back will also help you attract a new guy. For instance, learning not to nag a man will help you keep any new boyfriend. And, your new more glamorous self will be sure to attract lots of attention.

Use the time between boyfriends to find out what you really want in a man as well. What was it that attracted you to your ex? Did these qualities hold on over time or did they annoy you after a while? Did you go for someone on the basis of looks only to find out that made for a very vain man? Did you like his sarcastic sense of humor only to find out that he turned it on you?

You should also use this time between boyfriends to figure out what you want in yourself. What can you improve – not for the sake of a guy – but to make the quality of your own life better? This may mean getting back in touch with your girlfriends, taking up a class, or going to church again.

Remember, love break up do happen. Sometimes you can get back together and sometimes you can’t. The important thing is to be able to roll with the punches and move on to the newer, better you.

Surviving A Break Up There Is Hope


Are you in the process of surviving a break up? It may seem like there is no hope. But, really there is.

First of all, you have to decide whether the relationship is really over or whether it’s just a temporary situation. Some people find that their coupledom becomes even stronger after a hiatus.

But other times, you know that it is over and you need to go about mourning the relationship. Your ex was probably the person who you were closest to in the whole world. Now, you need to find people and activities to replace him or her.

Sometimes you can turn to friends and family members to discuss the situation. If they are sympathetic and allow you to do the talking that you need to do, this is an optimal situation.

Unfortunately, most people are consumed with their own situations. They have little patience for dealing with other people’s problems and concerns. While they may listen for the first couple of days, their basic tenet will be “get over it.”

If this is the case, you may want to consider going to a counselor. A therapist will help you work through the issues that caused your relationship to dissolve. Many people have found that a counselor is the best person to help you in surviving a break up.

At some point, you have to start to move on. One of the best ways to do this is to exchange all of the personal items you have with your ex. Most of the time, this means clothes, but there are other items which you keep at each other’s homes.

If there are things like toothbrushes that don’t merit an exchange, throw them away. If you have personal gifts that you don’t want to give back, box them up and put them away for the time being. You don’t want to have anything that reminds you of your ex lying around the house for the time being.

Then, start focusing on how you can improve yourself. Because you were part of a couple for so long, you referenced yourself as “we.” Now, it is all about “me.” And, that’s not a bad place to be in.

You can now do the things you want. She didn’t like gambling? You can now go to the guys’ poker night. He didn’t like chick flicks? Rent all the movies you missed.

And, start doing a self improvement campaign. Go work out. Take some classes. Join a hiking group.

Start to meet new people, particularly people who can be friends not lovers. These people will provide a valuable network for you now and in the future.

Finally, at some point, you have to put yourself back on the market again. Go to single’s events or check out online dating sites. When you find someone new who you really like, you know you will be finally over your ex.

And that’s how to go about surviving a break up.

"Q & A" Letters from Blog Readers: Advice on Love and Relationships

Question: He married another woman, but really loves me; How long do I wait? I have a strange relationship with a guy I met in 2015. He wa...