Aug 26, 2009
Is your marriage in crisis? Would you know it if it was? Do you recognize the warning signs? A marriage in crisis can sometimes disguise itself as a normal but slightly boring marriage until it’s too late to change it and save it.
You have to pay attention to all the signs of health in your marriage to make sure your partnership is going strong. First, look at how often you have sex. While sex isn’t the whole point of the marriage—it’s much more important than just that—it’s a crucial part of a healthy marriage.
A marriage in crisis is usually pretty easy to spot by looking at your sex lives. Do you have sex infrequently? Is it a big, scheduled deal when you do have sex? Have you stopped having sex spontaneously just when you feel like it?
When sex becomes a scheduled activity, a marriage can certainly recover. In fact, most marriages go through a phase very much like that when a baby is born. Each child makes it more and more difficult to find the time to spend with our partner over a meal or before leaving for work, let alone finding a spare hour to make love.
But a marriage in crisis never breaks out of that pattern. Instead, even when the time is there the partners don’t have spontaneous sex. Usually there’s very little physical affection shown during the day either. People in love and happy to be together tend to hug and kiss different times through the day.
A loving couple will often touch each other just in passing. One will give the other a fast kiss on the cheek or forehead for no reason. Does this still happen in your marriage? Do you ever sneak a quick pinch or pat on the bottom or a sexy look in the middle of the day?
When these things start to disappear, it can be a sign that the marriage is in trouble. The other thing that goes in a very obvious way is common courtesy. When you say “thank you,” “excuse me,” and “please,” throughout your day to strangers more than you say them to your partner, something’s wrong.
We take our partners for granted in this way, and eventually this leads to a sort of coldness between people. There is simply no reason not to be affectionate and thank our partners (and say please) during the course of everyday life.
The good news is that if you’re seeing these warning signs, you can start working right now to correct them. And you don’t have to make a fanfare about it or announce the change. Simply change what you do.
Make a point of giving affection and unexpected kisses. Be very polite again, and say please and thank you, even when it’s just the two of you. Make time for making love. Do these things and your marriage in crisis could soon be back on track and you could be happier than ever.
Do you know how to win ex girlfriend back? Let’s look at the situation with Tom and Sheri.
Shari was busy one night and Tom went to a party alone. It was stupid, but he started to make out with one of Shari’s friends there. Shari, of course, heard about it and had a dramatic confrontation with Tom.
“I never want to see you again,” se said. “I am so out of here.”
Tom’s devastated. He knows he was wrong, but he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back. He misses Shari.
The first thing Tom needs to do is sincerely apologize. This is not just a quietly mumbled “I’m sorry” either. He needs to realize what he did wrong, figure out why he did it, decide whether he will ever do it again, and most importantly, communicate all of this honestly to Shari.
At this point, Tom should stop. The ball is now in Shari’s court.
Tom shouldn’t call Shari. He shouldn’t email, text, or comment on her wall. He shouldn’t send flowers or candy.
What he should do is let her make the next move. She is 100 percent in control here. If Tom goes out to score, he’s going to lose her. If he wants to know how to win ex girlfriend back, he needs to be planning for the next step not focusing on the present.
At some point, Shari will initiate contact. There are many pretexts for doing this. For instance, she may be mad and want to exchange all personal property. Or, she could be missing him and just want to talk.
At this point, Tom needs to make his move. He needs to show her that he’s the one.
He should put the incident behind him. Tom should only bring up what happened if she does first.
Otherwise, he should talk about the positive memories that they have had together. He should bring up specific incidents that were special for the two of them.
For instance, he could say, “I was walking around downtown and I saw the restaurant we went to on our first date and I thought of you.”
If he keeps it casual, he can talk about missing her. “I miss the way you laugh at my corny jokes,” is a good line. Telling her that he can’t imagine life without her is a bad one.
If she’s receptive, and she probably will be (why else is she calling?) Tom should suggest a casual get together. For instance, he should ask her to meet him for coffee or something similar. A half hour mini-date might get things back on track for them.
If he plays it right, he will have found the right solution to the how to win ex girlfriend back dilemma.
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