Jul 24, 2009
After marriage, many relationships begin to stumble and fall. This doesn't seem like the way it should go. Marriage is supposed to be a great and glorious thing, and much of the time it's exactly that, but the period after marriage can also be a dangerous one for many people.
The problem is that before marriage, the relationship was always building towards something. In the early days, you looked forward to the next date. Then you were looking forward to all the little events that make up the beginnings of a relationship. Meeting the parents, meeting the friends, all those little first that make up a life.
After all that, you start looking forward to the big events. You move in together, and that's a big thing. Then you start looking forward to the wedding, to the rest of your life. Then you get married. After marriage, things change.
After marriage, you start to wonder if this is all there. Most of the little events that you look forward to have happened and all you're left with is the rest of your life. While finding the right someone to spend your life with is one of the best parts of life, you have to worry about what comes after.
This is a period that can leave you or your new spouse failing, looking for something to give your life direction. This can lead to people doing stupid things as the new wedding glow wears off, cheating or starting fights.
Because of this, the after marriage period is not a time when you should sit by and just hope that everything will work out for the best. A marriage might last a lifetime for the lucky, but it won't get there without the two of you being in synch and working towards building something that last.
What you need to weather the after marriage doldrums is communication. You and your spouse need to make sure that the relationship is growing the way you want it to and that you both have the same expectations.
We often don't tell our spouses about the fears and uncertainty we have because we're afraid that it will hurt them or just afraid that if we say it, it will really be true. But you need to tell them and talk about things because if you don't, the problems will grow and fester.
Instead of allowing that to happen, get into the habit of total honesty as early as you can. The earlier you start, the easier it's going to be when and if problems do arrive. This means you both need to be able to work with hurt feelings, to get around and over them to get to the good times.
After marriage, you have the rest of your life. You owe it to yourself and your spouse to try as hard as you can to make it a life worth living. You may need more help than this article can give you, and that's fine. There are plenty of resources available to help you build a better, stronger marriage.
Jul 20, 2009
If you want to fix your relationship, then you need to ask the right question. Relationship repair can be tricky in the best of times, which is why you need to know the right questions to ask your mate, to get the information you need to repair what has been broken.
This is not necessarily an easy thing to do. Most of us won't want to ask these questions, relationship problems or not. This is because the natural human reaction to do things is to try and avoid the problem as much as possible.
But relationship problems will not fix themselves. You need to make the effort to fix them, not wait for your mate to magically come around. You are the one who has realized there is a problem, and this means that you have to be the one to do the work to fix it. Whether you like it or not, it's become your responsibility.
Which brings us to the questions. Relationship questions are not easy to ask, but the answers will be worthwhile. This is the information you need to do the work that will bring you back to having a healthy relationship with your girlfriend or boyfriend, husband or wife.
Question One: What Do You Want?
This is a question you need to ask yourself and your significant other. You need to ask yourself because you need to be able to know and articulate what it is you want from your relationship. You need to ask them so that you know that the things you want from the relationship are, if not the same, then at least compatible.
Question Two: What Were Our Best Times?
This is another question designed to get you looking at how the two of you view your relationship. If you both view different times in your relationship as the best times, this will give you a very strong indication of where things went wrong, which is the point of these questions. Relationship is based on knowing what these questions will tell you.
Question Three: What Don't You Like?
Again, this is a question both of you need to ask. This is an area where it is crucial that you don't assign blame or allow your emotions to be hurt. You need to take a full inventory of where you stand and knowing what it bothering both of you is essential.
Question Four: Where are we Heading?
The point of this is question is to see where you both think the relationship should and where it will go. Without knowing this, you won't know how bad the relationship is. If your partner thinks that the relationship is doomed to failure, this is information you need to know.
The point of doing all this is to find the true answers to these questions. Relationship rescue will be much easier when you have this information, because it will give a road map of the problems you need to resolve to have a stronger relationship. This is only the beginning, and you should seek out and find the information that will allow you to overcome these problems.
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